It's SOOO hard!

I am normally very positive and optimistic.

Today, I just had a total meltdown, starting to cry uncontrollably.

I had received a gift of a new wine from a local vintner. It's his first year of this crop (a new Pino Noir), and he said "keep it in the cellar for six months before opening it"...

It hit me!! I might not be alive in six months! I feel so much gloom.

Since my cancer is so advanced, should I be working towards quality of life instead of treatments which are likely to fail anyway?

I feel so lost...this is unfair to all of us!


Michael | 53 | SCC | Right Tonsil | Dx'd: 06-10-05 | STAGE IV, T3N2bM0 | 3 Nodes R Side | MRND & Tonsillectomy 06/29/05 Dr Fee/Stanford | 8 wks Rad/Chemo startd August 15th @ MSKCC, NY | Tx Ended: 09-27-05 | Cancer free at 16+ Yrs | After-Effects of Tx: Thyroid function is 0, ok salivary function, tinnitus, some scars, neck/face asymmetry, gastric reflux. 2017 dysphagia, L Carotid stent / 2019, R Carotid occluded not eligible for stent.2022 dental issues, possible ORN, memory/recall challenges.