It really sounds like you are taking some positive steps towards getting things done. It is so important to find out everything you and your husband can do in order to be prepared to be in control of whatever you have to take care of. If your husband is not a computer type or just doesn't like to come on this forum, what you can do is print out the important suggestions you see here that you feel apply to yours and your husband's situation. In the beginning of my son's treatment, (he was a Stage 2 SCC) he was only on here for a short time and said it made him sad to read about some of the things others are facing. He was already in therapy for depression, so I did understand and didn't want to push him to come here. When he resisted things I told him from what I learned here, I just printed out everything I knew he could benefit from and just leave it someplace when he woke up and he did read it! And it did make a difference. Anyone facing such a catastrophic illness, is facing so many things that seem out of his/her control. Oral cancer takes away so many things - they way you eat, the way you look, speak, etc. - So if you can help him to feel in control, it goes a long way to beating this disease. My son resented having his mother (me) telling him what to do, so I would leave even the smallest decisions up to him by always giving him choices for example "you want one scrambled egg, or two", etc.

Now, about the feeding tube, the final decision has to be his. My son didn't want it either but we didn't know all the pros and cons at the time (you can look them up on this forum for yourself and see what you/your husband think). Paul did have a really rough time with the effects of Rad Tx and my heart just broke each time I saw him try to eat with all the blisters and sores in his mouth, - he had grown so thin with all the weight he lost. There is a lot of info on this site on tube feeding, so see what questions you and your husband can come up with for the doctors or for anyone here. Do come here often and let us know how you both are doing. You can get through this! You have lots of support from everyone here!