Terri,

I am truly sorry to hear about your father and especially with you so far away. I know how difficult this must be.

Based on what you provided, the cancer has presented itself in at least two areas and has spread to at least one lymph node. The doctors have used the word inoperable. The combination of terms indicates it is somewhat advanced as far as staging is concerned. Whether or not it is terminal is not the biggest issue. Life is terminal for everyone. The road ahead is not going to be easy for your father or your grandmother. The chemo is already taking its toll on him and the radiation will most likely even be worse.

I don't know what sacrifices you would make if you had to and I understand that your father doesn't want to be a burden to you. At a minimum, you need to get a support team around your father. That may not necessarily mean you have to abandon your life and go there but it does mean your father and your grandmother can not do this alone. Do they belong to a church? Do you know any of their circle of friends? There are some pretty serious discussions that need to take place now before the treatments get rolling.

Has your father been taking anything for the intestinal issues? It is pretty common and is referred to as stomatitis which is caused by the chemo. It literally starts at the mouth and works its way through the entire digestive system. It usually starts a few days after the treatment and just as it works its course, another round of chemo starts.

Learn what you can. Tell you father how important it is for you to be informed and ask him if he would like you there. Be prepared if he says yes to be there.

Again, I am sorry you and your family is experiencing this and I am hoping for the best possible outcome for your father.

Ed