Terri,
Is your father being treated at a major cancer center? If not, have him go there for an evaluation BEFORE beginning chemo or radiation. My brother, too, was told surgery was not an option and chemo and radiation treatments were begun. He went through five months of HELL - and I am not exaggerating - before we could finally get a cancer center to take him (they don't like to get involved once chemo or radiation has been started). To make a long story short, his new doctors surgically removed the cancer. Unfortanetly he has already had is lifetime max of radiation and the chemo he was given damaged a lot of the cells, muscle and tissue in his jaw. It is essential to get to a major cancer center - not just a regional center at a local hospital (no matter how big it is). Anyway, that's just my opinion.
Best wishes to you, your father and your grandmother as you join us on this road.