Terri--I'm in a somewhat similiar situation with my Dad, who is 75 and will have surgery next Wednesday to remove tumors on tongue at minimum and perhaps a neck dissection, depending on "what we find when we are in there". He's had another kind of cancer, nonHodgkins Lymphoma, for about 10 years, so he just finished chemo for that and he's had radiation for it before, too, so surgery may be all they can do for him as far as this new, tongue cancer goes. I live in Kansas and he's in Chicago and my Mom is with him, so we've got it better in that regard. Like your Dad, mine wanted to "protect" me from this, so I had to physically come here and go to the doctor appointments with them today to learn what's really going on. Fortunately, my kids are grown and my job's flexible (as is my husband). If your Dad does email, writing him may be helpful, in addition to cards & notes in the regular mail. Clearly, talking is on the phone is difficult due to his treatment. Does he have friends, co-workers, other children, who you could enlist to check in on him,too? Knowing you care is important, even if you can't be with him. Doing what you can from afar will make you feel better, too. In a way I came here for myself as much as for my Dad. It helps me deal...Hang in there. Tina