On the message board Minniea said:
"I have children, 7 daughters, and if I could not have quit for myself I could have done it for them I believe. Speaking as a mother, a mothers desire to give her child what they need is very powerful."


My mom is that kind of mom that would do ANYTHING for her children...except that. I think that her craving is too strong.

Minniea said
"Have you tried printing out some facts on smoking and oral cancer and give it to your mother?"


My mother doesn't believe that stuff. She thinks that those are just general statistics, scare tactics, and that it doesn't apply to her. Believe me, if I thought it could be affective, I would. Like I said, I am the type of person who is always reading and researching something. My parents always encouraged me to be educated and to learn. I was never allowed to go out when I was younger. I didn't have a social life. So since I didn't have those things, I did the only thing I could do like reading and trying to learn new things. BUT, my parents never thought it could....how can I say this....work against them. So my mother becomes very disconcerted when I try to share facts and research that I have learned with her. I have told her the facts about oral cancer and smoking but she doesn't want to hear it. She simply does not believe them to be true.

Minnea said
"The smoking habit is a horrible one. My mother still smokes and it amazes me that she still does after being there every step of the way through my surgery."

My mother had surgery once and it was not fun. However, it doesn't stop the urge and even after surgery she believes that smoking was not a factor.


Minniea said
"People handle things differently and it seems like your mother is in denial about this causing her cancer. Have you tried telling her how much the thought of losing her scares you?"

She is in denial about smoking causing cancer AND sometimes I think she is in denial about HAVING cancer. She kind of acts like cancer is like herpes, AIDS, or other STD's where she will be judged and people will be like, "OH SHE MUST REALLY BE A SLUT TO HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!" Not that you are a slut if you have contracted one of those diseases but nonetheless, the point I'm making is that some illnesses have social stigmas on them and she treats cancer as such. She can't even say the word. I think it is too embarrassing for her.
As for the part of telling her the thought of losing her scares me, you see the thing is, I had a 13 year old sister that died a long time ago and that devastated her. Since you are a mother, I know you can relate to that degree of devastation. I know that losing a daughter and losing a mother are two different types of losses. However, if I lose her, I think I will be almost equally as devastated. I tried to share this with her, you know, that I desperately need her in my life right now and she said that she didn't want to hear it. You see, I have this role in the family dynamic where I'm not supposed to be human and I should be without feelings but that's another story. I have a very interesting family.

Minniea said,
"In your shoes I would have NO problems scaring my mother with the facts of smoking and oral cancer, none at all. I would be there to support her, of course, in her efforts to quit, but would not feel quilty for breaking through her denial. It might save her life!"


Honestly, it is going to get to that point. You see she hasn't shared these latest results with me but I know what they are. I am giving her time to tell me because she will have to tell me eventually anyway. So basically, I'm just going to lay it all on the line. I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to fuss. I'm going to handle it calmly and rationally and just tell her she is facing big risks and I don't want to lose her. GOD ONLY KNOWS THAT I WANT TO SAVE HER LIFE! The last thing I want to do is argue or fight or attack and condemn her. But as a loving family member, I don't want her to die AND MOST OF ALL, I don't want to see her lose her quality of life.

Anyway, thanks for the response and support Minnie!