Hi Cocoa,
I smoked for a few years and was diagnosed when I was 41, almost 2 years ago. My cancer was in my jaw and even though my docs like to tell me that smoking wasn't the causitive factor (they don't feel I smoked long enough or heavily enough) I quit smoking with little trouble. It was hard, don't get me wrong, but both my husband and I have never gone back to that habit.
I have children, 7 daughters, and if I could not have quit for myself I could have done it for them I believe. Speaking as a mother, a mothers desire to give her child what they need is very powerful. Have you tried printing out some facts on smoking and oral cancer and give it to your mother? The smoking habit is a horrible one. My mother still smokes and it amazes me that she still does after being there every step of the way through my surgery.
People handle things differently and it seems like your mother is in denial about this causing her cancer. Have you tried telling her how much the thought of losing her scares you? This cancer can be beat, but she will stand a much better chance of doing that if she quits smoking. In your shoes I would have NO problems scaring my mother with the facts of smoking and oral cancer, none at all. I would be there to support her, of course, in her efforts to quit, but would not feel quilty for breaking through her denial. It might save her life!
Hope all turns out well for you.
Minnie