Katie,
I'm so sad to read this. Please chase a second opinion, especially on the surgical option.
My Kris had his original tumour recur at the BOT. We were told that he needed a total Glossectomy and laryngectomy , removal of the structures in his neck and a bilateral Neck dissection.
While we were shocked, we soon realised that this was the only curative option there was. It is now 19 months since Kris had this awful surgery and he is thriving.
Please, please get a second opinion.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!