Brendan, please dont determine your fate already! Please try to get thru some type of treatment. Dont ever give up before you try!

Several years ago when I was diagnosed with "the big one", Stage IV needing my jaw removed I was ready to refused treatment. Being a single mother, I was all my 2 teenage children had. There father had chose not to be involved with raising them many years ago. I was beside myself not knowing what would be the best decision to make for my children. My mindset was that if I was just going to die anyway, why not prepare my children for it while I was still relatively 'healthy'. The members of the forum convinced me to not give in before I gave it a try. By resigning myself to quit before the race even started I was signing my own death sentence. I asked Brian Hill if he knew of any 3 time survivors as I had never heard of even one. His response was honest and accurate, he said "yes there are some 3 timers out there, not many but there are some." Between that reply and the forum members I decided I would attempt to survive the mandibulectomy. Even though it left me disfigured, with many medical issues I consider myself to be very fortunate. I am alive and mostly well and able to help others. I go all over speaking at schools about anti-tobacco. I volunteer many hours every single day on the forum and give speeches at OCF walks about oral cancer. So you see even with handicaps I lead a very good productive life.

If I can do this.... so can YOU! I am a firm believer in this. I know it will not be easy but nothing that is worthwhile in life is ever easy. It does not matter the reason you got this horrible disease, you still got it. The treatment plan would not be different at all even if you did know. There are many people out there (I think about 10%) who dont know what caused their OC. You think knowing would make things easier, I dont. For me, I know what caused mine...I smoked and it was my own fault that I look like this. I did it to myself with my awful habit. That can play a real guilt trip on a person. I think you are lucky that you dont know.

Ask your doc for pain meds. Seek out a therapist or counselor to help you with the anxiety. You probably should take some anxiety meds to help take the edge off. I probably should have but I was too busy during the 2 months between diagnosis and the surgery date.

After diagnosis, I was preparing to die so I wrote letters to my children (should have made videos but this was 4 years ago), paid up all the bills, I was working so worked lots of overtime to have extra money for my children, and lastly I threw a party and made memories. My son had his 20th birthday 2 days before my surgery. I selected the surgery date and told both of my children we were going to have one heck of a party and we did. I made certain to spend all the 2 months making memories with my children, they never saw me sad or upset, they saw me happy and we had a great time. I figured if I was going to die they would already remember their mother as a happy strong person. I was even making jokes with my son while I was being prepped for the surgery. I was wheeled away smiling, as soon as my bed left the room where my son was I burst into tears and cried all the way to the OR. The rest is history. Its 4 years later and Im doing as well as I possibly can.

Im begging you to consider all the options and treatment plans and choose the one that gives you the best chance to eliminate the cancer. I know how hard this decision is but you can do it. I will help you thru every step of this if you need me to.

Best wishes!