Man, that's harsh on the part of the family! I wonder how they live with themselves.

I lost my best friend one week before Thanksgiving, he was one helluva soldier and my hero. We shared many things, tops among them being paratroopers but we had another commonality; we are/were both incurable. His was prostrate cancer that showed up in his bladder less than a month before his death.

We often spoke of what was next on our paths, neither of us worried about it. He spent the last week of his life in our local Hospice, where he was very comfortable and happy. He died in mid-sentence with another friend who arrived as I was leaving for the day - about 30 minutes after I had left.

For whatever it's worth, I'd react to the family with compassion. I have no idea what could have moved them to shut you out, but I'd still recommend compassion. Do write the family, but be loving and compassionate when you do, and don't mention your bitter disappointment.

Offer your kind response to your friend as a final gift and a sign of your love for him/her. Believe me, the pain will pass, and you will eventually be proud of your reaction. In addition, it may cause the family to reach out to YOU. IF they do, I'd respond favorably as a further gift to your friend.

You will never be sorry you took this advice.