Chris-

Welcome to Hotel California. I'm relieved you found OCF when you did. You're in the best place ever to help you as you (and your family) adapt to your new normal. Please be sure you invite your fiance, too.

It's a scary time but you must be diligent and consistent. In whatever way you can - tell the ugly cancer beast it's not welcome in your body/home and it WILL NOT be allowed to take hold. Do not let it rule your life (easy to say and you'll need constant reminders to keep you focused)! I realize the shock hasn't even worn off but regroup, gather your armour (and that includes us) to fight the battle. Gather information to formulate a strategy, develop your plan and get to it. We're with you ALL the way!

Last July, my husband Ed/Uptown was diagnosed. Talk about a huge slap in the face. All he had were a few swollen lymph nodes! No one ever really thinks it could be CANCER (okay, I never really thought...)! His sons were out of state visiting their birth mother and our youngest was only JUST coming to live with us - our oldest was already here for two years. The day they flew home/here, we had our first appointment with the medical oncologist. When we went all we had a path report that said it was SCC, metastatic - primary unknown! We had to tell them Ed had cancer but we had no answers or prognosis. We didn't even have a scan scheduled yet to help identify where it originated or the knowledge that he may (and did) lose all his posterior teeth "just in case" radiation was too rough? Yeah, we empathize so much with you!

I promise you, you will be loved here (unconditionally) even when you feel your most unloveable. God put all of us here for each other and though you're new to the neighborhood - you ain't seen nothing 'til you've see the power of our collective good thoughts and prayer.

Gather and identify folks willing and able to tag team to help. It's okay to ask or accept when all they want to do is help. If you have family living all over the place - let them keep in touch with your progress. Create a spot for yourself on caringbridge.org - it's free and good therapy for you/your caregivers to feel good about letting you rest while still letting you know how important you are to them!

Susan
(Caregiver to other half, Uptown/Ed, cancer free and out of treatment since October 8, 2003!!!! )