The wife of an OC patient posted this in February 2010 after her husband was diagnosed by a regular (not cancer specialist) ENT. Since they live in New York City, several people here encouraged her to seek a second opinion for her husband at Memorial Sloan-Kettering, one of the top cancer centers in the U.S. She posted this after making an appointment there:
[quote=SusanW]The ENT guy said his practice (three guys) sees about one case of oral cancer a year. Sloan sees 3500. A bit of a difference. The strong message you guys sent me about where people should go is so important. I hope the word is out there.[/quote] At the least, getting a second opinion from a top cancer center (Mayo, or one of those Ingrid K mentioned in the Chicago area) will let you compare what the local docs recommend with what the people who see this disease every day say.

In any case, I would suggest looking at the guidelines prepared by the National Comprehensive Cancer Network -- an alliance of 21 of the country's top cancer centers -- before the visit with the local RO so you all will have an idea of what the "gold standard" of care is. The NCCN protocols are updated every year and represent the state of the art in cancer treatment. There's a lot of valuable information in the main part of the OCF website as well, and everything there has been vetted for scientific/medical accuracy.

Other caregivers for patients who were reluctant to come to this site have found good luck in printing out relevant threads and leaving them lying around for the patient to "find" and read. Perhaps this would be helpful in your case as well. Best of luck, and keep coming back -- you won't find a more knowledgeable group anywhere.