Oh Ruby, this is very sad reading.
Please go and see your Dr - at least for anti depression medications to get you out of the black hole.
Maria is correct. We would do the medical service out of jobs if we refused to go near them for self induced illness.
The first step is of course the hardest, but think of your daughter and grandson. How would they feel without you in their lives. Don't you want to see that Grandbaby grow up?
From what I have learnt of oral cancer it is an awful death if left untreated. It involves raw ulcerating tumours that not only stink, but bleed freely and frequently . The pain would be unbearable. You would be unable to eat or drink. The tumours would make it increasingly difficult to breathe. You would lose the ability to talk . Please don't inflict that on yourself or your daughter.
There could well be a simple explanation for your symptoms and an equally easy treatment.
On the other hand should this be an oral cancer you really do want it treated as early as possible. The treatment is very doable.
Please, please make that appointment. Life is worth living and should you take that first step to see your Dr and get those antidepressants you will understand what I mean.
Please also consider letting your daughter know how difficult life is for you at the present.
Please reconsider.
Tammy