Thank you so much, everyone. I appreciate all of the comments.

My Mom and I went to see her Geriatrician today and he was wonderful with her. I had an opportunity to speak to him alone and he told me that while he wouldn't oppose surgery, he wanted me to know that the recovery could be "brutal" with her quality of life being impacted greatly for a while and then the open ended question of whether she would ever regain any semblance of quality of life.

I asked him if he would support my decision if I opted not to have her go through the surgery and he said he would support it "100 percent".

He then talked to me and my Mother and in a very kind way explained to her the options. Her response was a gift to me. She said to the doctor "I don't want surgery" and then added "unless you think I should have it". He told her about his elderly father who had a similar mouth cancer. He said that they opted to have surgery and that his father was never the same and lost much of the enjoyment of life in his last months because of the surgery. He told her that if he had it to do over again, he would have encouraged his father to not have surgery in the last months of his life.

It was a very touching conversation. She is so fortunate to have a Geriatrician that speaks to the patient in such a kind and loving manner.

We have enrolled my mother in Hospice Care and they are committed to working with me and the staff of the assisted living center where my Mom lives in keeping her in her apartment for the duration of her life. This is only the second place my Mom has lived in the past 50 years (we moved her into the apartment 2 years ago) and she has grown to love living there. I really don't want to have another move in her future.

My Mother's 88th birthday is Friday and I have a small surprise birthday party planned for her at one of her favorite restaurants with all of her favorite people.

Fortunately, with the dementia she lives her life recalling things from the far past and lives in the moment. What happened yesterday is gone. With the mouth cancer and everything else I am starting to believe that the dementia is, in a weird way, a blessing.

This has been a very difficult couple of weeks and being able to talk about it on this forum has been such a blessing.

Thanks, again.
Greg