Hi Greg, welcome to OCF! I am so sorry to read your post about your dear mother. What a terrible decision you are faced with! Dementia is a terrible disease to watch your parent go thru and on top of that she has so many other things going on. Poor thing! Im so glad to hear your mom gets enjoyment from doing crafts and that she lives in a good facility.

From what you wrote and further explained your mother has several serious medical problems to take into consideration with your decision. I know its next to impossible not to feel guilt over whatever you decide. Please know your mother trusts you to do whats best for her in her situation. Try not to second guess yourself and know in your heart whatever you decide is whats best for your mother.

If her oral cancer has spread to the lymph nodes and her lungs would the surgery take it all out? It sounds like this would be rather extensive. The recovery from a major surgery could be weeks or even months. Knowing she has other ailments including heart issues means to me, this surgery could be very rough on her. Since the ENT said the surgery is not going to cure her then it could turn out to be very hard on her which in turn severely limits her quality of life.

Im sorry but we are not medical professionals here but we do have extensive knowledge of oral cancer and everything that goes along with it. As a 3 time oral cancer survivor, I have learned more from this forum than from what I went thru. I wish I could help you make a decision but thats not something I can assist you with. But, I can offer you moral support and info to make an informed decision.

Best wishes with everything, Greg!