I completely relate with what Karen said. Back when Vince came down with strep the night before his second chemo, we were faced with a choice. Call the med onc, report the infection (as instructed) or don't call, show up, then report it (how my husband was leaning). I pointed out that the real choices were:

1. Don't call the med onc, drive 2 hours each way, show up in the infusion waiting room, possible infect other folks on chemo with strep, with the strong possibility that we'd be sent back home without treatment

or

2. Get a quick test at a local clinic, call the med onc if it was positive, follow his instructions, thereby keeping Vince and other patients safe.

Hubby's rather perterbed response was, well if you put it that way, fine, let's get him tested and call the med onc. Even at the time, I remember thinking, yes he's pissed, and it sound like it's at me, but I know it's at the situation. He tested positive, med onc was glad how we handled it. We have since laughed about his rather irrational reaction....gotta keep the humor in this battle every chance you can.

When his frustration comes out, I remind myself that as tough as it is for me to watch, he's the one pysically going through this, a task I cannot even imagine. I think part of our job as caregivers job is to keep our heads, not take it personally when they get overwhelmed and always keep their return to good health as goal #1.

I have a friend who was going through cancer, thought his young wife would be better off if she "cut bait" and went on without him. Once she figured out he was thinking this way, she made it clear he was plan "A", "B", "C", etc her her life, that she was not going anywhere. You never know what they are thinking with all they are going through.

One more experience, on my husband's first chemo, they loaded him up with a ton of Benadryl before the Taxol, then came to talk about some pretty important stuff about 15 minutes later. I could look at his red-ringed, indpendently focusing eyes and know that none of it was sinking in. I think it's so vitally important that they have an advocate with them as much as possible while in the hospital, even if it's just a quite person in the corner. Take care Seana, you've got a heavy load with the responsibility of your husband and children, give yourself and him a break...hugs, Ana