Hi Tanya, I was 46 years old when I was diagnosed with two cancers. I was lucky enough to have caught both mine in early enough stages that I was treated with radiation only.
I am sorry that your journey has been such a tough one. But....YOU MADE IT!
I think it is okay to mourn the loss of the life you had, but like Christine said, there is no way to go back. Take the time you need to let go of your past and, head held high, begin looking to your future with your partner and your children.
My journey began almost three years ago and the emotional challenges have been, well, challenging. Eveyone is different and every journey unique, but you have found support here from people who have and are facing the darkness that this type of cancer is. Read their stories and they will inspire you. If something in particular is causing you fear or anxiety, bring it forward here and someone will likely have been through it and can help guide you to a better place.
It has helped me, first as someone on the outside just visiting and later when I made that step to say "I could use some help". You have found this place much earlier in your journey than I...so take advantage of all that is here for you. Look at how many people already have stepped up to tell you that it will get better! And it really does!