Kathy - you definitely are not alone in this. Try to concentrate on the good and positive parts that the doctors or anyone here has mentioned. My son is more than 5 years past end of treatment, but I still have to struggle to not let myself go to all the "what ifs" and to stay on tract. When I notice the negatives have taken up too much time (like more than 30 seconds) I force myself to switch to thinking about all the good stuff. As time goes on you will be able to see more and more positives like the success Kevin has had so far and the good ideas and experiences you see with others here. What has helped me is the deep breaths (10 of them and then start over when the negative thoughts interrupt), exercise even if it's just doing toe touches or brushing your hair while bending way over towards the floor, keeping busy, coming here and trying to help someone else through their own panic or to just give myself time away to be in good compassionate company (and not thinking my own dark thoughts). At one of my worst panic attacks, I did call my family doctor who prescribed something but after taking only 1/2 the recommended dose, I was so sleepy and out of it, I barely made it to my son's appointment for his therapy session and had to wait in the car for fear I would fall out of the waiting room chair. He drove back home that day. If you do check with you're doctor for meds for yourself be sure and ask about what you could expect re effects or contraindications. Read the labels in case the pharmacist does not mention everything he could about the prescription. One of my son's prescriptions for depression mentioned that it could cause suicidal thoughts which can be a bummer to say the least. There is good news in all this - and getting through Tx does make you appreciate all the small steps in recovery and helps you to realize how precious life is and how much love there is between you and the people you care about. You will be able to celebrate even the smallest of accomplishments and appreciate more fully than ever, the moments you have together - and even laugh about the funny things that happen (yes! they do happen!) So - DO vent away anytime you feel the urge - it will help you and it will help others here as well.