Well, I started this email train with one week down... we are now down to one week remaining. I'd like to say how happy we are to be seeing the "light" at this end of this four-month ordeal, but this week Jerry has been hit by the full force of the treatment effects.

I thank God that he finally submitted to getting a feeding tube because he can no longer eat, nor really swallow. He started the patch yesterday and the doctor doubled his oxy -- which he is resistant to take but he has again agreed to do so due to the extreme pain. Neither one of us do well with pain meds -- make us quite nauseous on their own -- but I worry that he is getting sick possibly because he is in so much pain.

Doc also wrote a script for some morphin dissolving tab but Jerry does not want to try yet. Wants to give the patch a chance and we were told it takes about three days to become effective. That's fair. He says his pain level is at an 8; reserving 10 for childbirth he says, well that means he is at a 9 with three weeks to go as I have read here. I'm doing my best to feed him close to 2500 cals and I think I recall 48 oz of water.

He has for the past three nights thrown up around the same time each night. Since we are done with the chemo component and only have 5-7 blasts left, I'm hoping the nausea will subside so he can take the full measure of pain meds. He's already lost 23 lbs and was not overweight to begin with. I tried to 'fatten him up' before treatment started but he's lost all that and more.

We had to do the suppository last night. While I know there is not much there to move out, nonetheless, know that those toxins need to be moved out. Thank goodness it worked.

Not sure why I'm here. Just needed to share some of the ugliness with a group that knows it to be the norm -- at least if I'm sharing anything that is not, please inform my ignorance. The family and friends -- while they truly care -- would not benefit from hearing how awful he really does feel. In fact, he cannot really talk due to the pain so I've been making calls for him as well this a.m. I cannot wait for the next three weeks to go by!

Thank you for listening to me unload! I look at all of you who have made it through this ugly treatment phase and those going through and tell you how special and strong you are! And then to take the time to come to this site and share your experiences to help those of us, well, you are all angels and I pray for your health and quality of life! Bless each of you!