Dear Jazcat,
I am sorry that your mom is facing more surgery. I hope that the mass and the lymph node turn out to be benign.

If she chooses not to treat it if she is having a recurrence, then, I hope you will try to change her mind. If there is something that can be done to treat it,even if it is palliative, it would be preferable over allowing it to take its course. Oral cancer is an unpleasant and painful way to die.

Perhaps her doctor has some suggestions for you about ways to get your mom to open up about how she wants to proceed. She's lucky to have you caring for her and keeping her best interests as a priority--even if they might conflict with her own opinions. You are seeking information and opinions. So, you will be able to gently educate her which will help her make good decisions.

I'll be keeping you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers for peace with whatever decisions need to be made.

Sandy
xoxox