Not sure this will be helpful to you but I had ear pain and an enlarged cancerous lymph node from an oral lesion on my tongue. The ear pain, however, was determined to be TMJ, from me clenching my jaw so many times from the stress. You can have ear pain, and it be related to oral cancer, depending on the location of the primary lesion. It was not only me that can to the conclusion about the TMJ (temporolmandibular joint)causing the pain. The dental oral cancer specialist at MD Anderson helped isolate it for me. Once I realized that it was a result of stress, I was able to relax my jaw enough that the pain left me before I had surgery to remove the cancer.

On the other hand I assume your lymph node is not very large; mine wasn't either and it was metastatic cancer. You'll have to find an ENT to do arrange an ultrasound and fine needle aspiration. Sounds like the ones you have availed yourself of are not convinced it is likely. You may have said, but how long have you had the swollen lymph node? Where exactly is it located? Those answers will figure into what an ENT thinks about it. I guess you'll have to either make an appointment to see an ENT you've already seen, and ask about the possibility of having a FNA, which is a biopsy of the fluid inside or find another ENT who will. Perhaps you can call first and talk to the PA or nurse about it.
Anne