My kids were 11 and 8 when my husband was diagnosed the first time. Each night I would go and crawl in bed with them and start a conversation. Some nights I would ask them how they thought the day went, or ask them what was on their mind that day. I made this an intentional act each day and during these times they would pour out their hearts to me. We had a lot of questions about the "what if's" and I actually made them go through each what if, step by step. topics like"what if dad can't go back to work?, what if he can't talk again, or eat again, or what if dad dies? We had lots of tears, but I made them see the logical things that would happen, if one of their scenarios occurred. Their imaginations go great big through a sickness of a parent, they have very little experiences to compare to, therefore they go straight to worst case scenario.
One particular night my son was angry, all night long he had been aggressive and
argumentative and the tension was unbearable, so I went and got every plate in my cupboard and we went to the basement and threw every single one against the cement
floor. Sometimes you have to reach a Boy in boy language..(what boy doesnt love the
sound of something being demolished) my son was unable to express his frustrations
with words, so I let him do something tangible. ( yeah I had to buy new dishes..didn't
quite think that one through before hand, but I hated them anyway..so it was a win win
after all) after busting the dishes into a million pieces the tension was visibly gone and
my sweet boy had returned. we swept them up and that summer when things were
better with Erik, my son and I made two steppingstones as our little reminder of that
night.
If things get too bad, it doesn't hurt to find a little counseling help, just make sure it's someone who deals with PTSD in children.
Jennie