She does have a boyfriend who helps with the kids. Thank goodness for him.

Right now during the day she stays with her grandmother, since I have to work, and then goes home to be with kids/boyfriend. I go stay with her about twice during the week, to help with kids and her. On the weekends I take all 3 kids to let her rest. Have asked her to take pain medicine on weekends when I have kids, to give herself a break, and she refuses. But what I have found is that she has a lot of time on her hands and she is getting depressed. (She was taking anti-depressants from the time she was 11 until she turned 23, due to eating disorder) So I don't think she will be accepting of taking those again. So I thought maybe her working (at a company that her dad and I started which she use to also work for us) a few hours a day would help her to keep her mind busy. Her grandmother helps clean her house and does laundry too.

I have a couple of friends that make her soup every couple of weeks. I have set up a prayer time (the same time every day, for friends and family) to get friends and family involved. I also send out weekly updates to family and friends so she doesn't have to repeat everything, and have asked them to send her messages, jokes and inspirational things. I will be sending orange ribbons (her favorite color) to family and friends to display around a tree, rear view window of car, or somewhere in there home to keep her in their thoughts and prayers.

She can't eat because of all the sores in her mouth and has been told that if she loses 5 more pounds then they will put in a feeding tube.

So with all of that said, I certainly do not want to hurt her recovery in anyway. So when I say tough love, I am not asking her to exercise at a gym or to do heavy lifting or walking even around the block. I am certainly not asking her to work 8 hours a day or even 2 hours a day. I am not constantly putting food next to her and watching her eat. I am simply saying that she should get out of the house and sit for 10 minutes outside. Fresh air, walk to the mailbox which is 20 ft from her back door. That she perhaps come in and sit in a recliner I have in my office and work on the computer for an hour take a nap and then go home. So please do not think for a minute that I am not giving her support, love and understanding of what she is going through. I do think that fresh air, sunshine, and interacting with others to a point (certainly not to expose her to germs and things that could cause her to fall, get cut, etc.) can do a person good.

I am one of the most loving and giving people around her and always have been. I am strong around her, and do not let her see me waiver in my strength. When I am alone that's when it's okay for me to break down. And when she cries and is scared, I let her know I am scared too, but that we will somehow get through this one day at a time. When she says she can't go on, do I let her continue to talk that way, absolutely not! When she says she doesn't want to talk with another agency about helping her with her bills, do I say that's okay you don't have to. When she has given up on life do I say that's okay. Absolutely not!

I am simply trying to give her encouragement that she can do these things, within reason, and if it is too much she shouldn't do it, but she should at least try. She might actually feel a little better.

So are those things I am asking her to try, is that unreasonable?

Thank you for your message. If my message sounded uncaring, harsh, non supportive or trying to make her do things that are unrealistic, I'm sorry. That is not what I meant at all.

Thanks for listening to me.

Letitia Baker. I did change my signature to reflect her diagnosis, but it probably could contain more information as well. Thanks for the input.