Hi Gail

My Alex had cancer of the tonsil and base of tongue (BOT) with some lymph node involvement. He finished chemo/radiation on the last week of August so is working with similar timelines to you.

What you are experiencing is very similar to Alex. He coughed till he threw up and like you, his body didn't seem happy until he did. But the feeling full, have to push to eat, tastes wrong or burns... - all the same complaints. However, you have persisted where Alex couldn't. Alex has always been skinny and eating has always been way down the priority list. He also had other issues and long way to come back from which is too much to detail here.

We had hoped Alex would be able to go back to work in January so I was really worried when he went to the doctor in Dec and got another medical certificate until March. Then damn me, if he didn't go for a visit with his boss and accept his job back part time 2 weeks later!!

This is how Alex has improved:
Month 1 - September: felt like crap, couldn't eat and even the PEG was a hassle - 1 day good, 1 day bad
October: realised he had gone a whole week with only 1 bad day. Zero will to eat. PEG feeding easy, oral swallowing too hard. Food tasted yuck and what tasted ok (sweet) was too hard. Well enough to get fitted for dentures and suspended all attempts to eat citing lack of teeth as being the problem.
November: teeth fitted - still unable to eat more than 1 mouthful saying he had forgotten how to chew and his tongue wouldn't work properly. Food tasted wrong and some made him nauseous. No real interest in food. Also had to work out his new teeth and manage with no saliva. Good days were a week at a time with maybe 1 day bad. BTW Bad constituted feeling blah, severe fatigue, unable to get out of bed, the coughing and vomiting thing, ?depression/fear for the future/frustration at apparent lack of progress.
December: Started talking about renovations (actually "doing" was too much even before cancer :/), problem solving, doing little jobs, organising his own life instead of waiting for me to do it. Good days were 2-3 weeks with 1 bad day. Return of interest in cooking though not in actually eating. Would force 2-3 mouthfuls only if I harrangued him. Sat at the table with plate of food on Xmas day and didn't even pick up a knife and fork. Scared to go back to work, fearful of failing or letting the bosses down with a "bad day". Middle of month got another medical certificate. Started on anabolic steroids end of Dec to gain weight and improve appetite/taste.
January: Expectation of bad days is 1 per month, still very tired and pathetic at eating but had 2 baby dim sims last Saturday night and mood was positively buoyant! He assures me he is eating mostly non or quick to cook stuff (yoghurt, eggs, dairy drinks) when I am not there - hmmm. Strong cooking smells seem to destroy his will to try to eat. Starts back at work next week for 25 hours per week spread over 5 days.

The wins are slow and when you are living it, it feels like no progress at all but there has been improvement. In September, I was terrified Alex would die, or that he would never work again and that nothing would ever be the same.

Today, Alex is off doing his own thing and I haven't given it a thought, he goes back to work next week, we are talking about what needs to be done next week, next month and next year, and tonight we will go out for a couple of hours. Eating is still an issue, the PEG is still there but he is slowly gaining weight thanks to the steroids. He is currently heavier than he was when first diagnosed although still borderline emaciated and 10-15 kilos underweight.

By the sound of your post, your will to improve is very strong and progress is likely to be faster than Alex although probably not as fast as you want it to be(never is). If you were the sort of person to keep notes on your weekly activities and feelings, I bet you could look back and realise how far you have already come. Can you be back at work by March? Yes!