Its really hard not to be worried and nervous. I am eating zanax like candy just to keep from giving myself a heart attack from worry. Today I had another biopsy because I have a sinking feeling that the cancer has moved to the right side of my tongue and if that's the case, I am being told they will remove my tongue. My response was to say that they might as well just shoot me. How can I go through life at 40 as a mute- if there is even gonna be a life. Part of me thinks that I better start getting real about this being the end.

My surgeon said something wonderful to me today that I believe: "Two of the cruelest things that people can say to you when you have cancer is: "Have Faith" and "You just need a good attitude and you will beat this." He is right- both of those statements are such bullshit. Hear me out though, I realize that doesn't mean I should lay down and quit when I still have stuff they can chop off, but seriously- my attitude and faith weren't what made me sick, cancer did.