My two girls were just about 18 and 20 when we made the trip to Seattle for the biopsy. They knew what was going on and that it could go either way. I had to tell them over the phone that it was cancer. I had very good friends here that were able to help them work through it while I finished up with the major surgery. It was very emotional when we came home and with time, we all got back to normal.

Maybe you can tell your 17 year old privately and involve him in the process of figuring out if the younger ones should be told yet. That may give him a different task to focus on.

Good Luck, it's a hard decision.