Wow! I was blown away by all the posts since my last visit to this forum.Thanks for the encouragement! It sure is hard to keep my spirits up. I'm looking for something to do everyday, like volunteer work; something! Anything! Yesterday was my first appointment with the plastic surgeon. My sister, who is an RN, went with me. She's pretty much been my rock thru all of this and she lives two hours away, so that's saying something! Anyway, the surgeon has me scared. Everything I read about jaw reconstruction seems so cut and dry, but they're talking about using a leg bone (maybe the hip but not likely) So, please, can anyone help me thru this? The surgeon says it's about a 12 hour operation for both him and the ENT surgeon who'll remove any lingering tumor. I can expect to be in ICU for a week. How big is the cut in my leg going to be? How much pain are we talking about? What is a free flap? I see a lot of people referring to this. Next week I see the ENT surgeon for an evaluation. Depending on what needs to be done, I may be referred to a Head & Neck guy. If that happens, I have to go to the University Hospital in Newark ( two hours away); Cooper doesn't have one on staff, and since I'm a charity case, I can't cross the river into Philly. Anyway, I could use all the info you can offer to help me get past my fear and, more importantly, find something meaningful in my life! This day to day waiting is frustrating and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel most days.