I know what you mean about the fear. Antidepressants help when it all becomes too much. I hope writing it down helped too. Sometimes I think riding the fear helps a bit. Acknowledge you're afraid and tell people - which you have just done - but others will understand too. You sound very brave about the surgical procedures and your outlook sounds good. It's so tough and unfair to get cancer over and over and I know from personal experience that when people acknowledge this and understand it, I feel a bit better. So much of the time we try to be brave and no-one but fellow patients know the turmoil inside.
I wish you the very best for your surgery and hope you get a bit of time to relax after it!