i am feeling a little blue today. it is the holiday season, with everyone asking if we have gotten our shopping done yet. we have yet to shop, money is super tight. our kids are all adults but one (17), so they understand...at least they say they do.

he is starting to get "sunburn" on his face and neck. our bathroom countertop looks like a pharmacy. he had a reaction today from the amifostine shot he gets with radiation-fever and swelling in the shot site, an instant bruise and a rash. his poor arms are all bruised from the shots.
he cried today coming from the MO saying he was just tired of feeling this way. broke my heart. i think it has alot with not being able to "do" christmas. weve never been not able to have a big christmas.

although we talked about just skipping christmas this year, i have decided today to do one small gift per child (we have 6 kids, so that adds up fast). i think that no gifts would just put him into a depression. he already feels like a failure for not being able to help us financially. i tell him it isnt his fault, that he didnt have control over this, so to stop blaming himself.

this may sound strange but it is breaking my heart, that it is breaking his heart of the situation we are in. i know the rads tires him out but he is just staying in bed.

thanks for letting me vent...
teresa