I just need to vent to people who understand. I hope you'll forgive me for rambling as I tell this story.
My husband and I are in business together and during 2000 were involved in some transactions regarding our business. There were several people involved (attorneys, realtors etc - not because it was adversarial but because everyone wanted to make sure their interests were represented). Anyway in December 2000 I had surgery for a recurrence of tongue cancer. A few weeks later in January I was convinced that I was ok (I wasn't as it turns out) and was pretty much back at work. We had another business meeting with the various parties to these transactions which is when we first heard that one of the attorneys had cancer (it turned out to be in the sinus). He wasn't at the meeting and others told us that they were very concerned. Shortly after this I had more surgery, radiation and was sick for the rest of the year. As the business deals were pretty much complete we didn't have much contact with the other people after that.
Well my subject told you where this was going. Today my husband was reading the paper and saw the obituary for the attorney. He was 48 (I'm 47). ITS NOT FAIR!
Everytime I read about someone's recurrence or death I can't help but personalize it to wonder if I am next. Most days I don't dwell on it but sometimes it hits me harder. Someone else in a posting used the phrase that I often use - that is that we live with the sword of Damocles over our heads (Damocles was invited to a feast where he was seated under a sword suspended by a single hair). I try not to let this rule my life but I do look at things a lot differently than I did before. Every pain and twinge (and everyone knows the treatment causes plenty of those) is a reason for concern. I can't pretend that I'm not frightened.
OK GOD - I GET THE MESSAGE THAT LIFE IS SHORT AND I'M MORTAL! YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING ME!
Thanks for "listening." I'd be interested to read you reactions to my comments and how you've reacted to similar situations in your life.
ilene