Hi all,

Some of you saw that I posted my first fee treatment items in introductions -- I didn't have a lot of strength to reorganize my thoughts but wanted to get down some impressions and questions somewhere. Moving forward, I will try and do this from this branch.

So where to begin? Best, I guess, to catch everything up.

I started treatment on 3/27 with a rad to the head followed by the big dose Cisplatin later that day. Because I worried about the potential for hearing loss, we ended the day with several comprehensive baseline hearing tests. In general, I felt pretty OK about the treatment. Took on over 100 ounces of water and felt I was being ver proactive about doing my part. As they told me Day 1 wouldn't be too bad, I optimistically woke up, drive to work and sat down to out In a good 6 hours before Rad 2. Bad idea for me.

Even with the anti-nausea pills, the day after wiped me out and I was soon in near tears, alternating between waves of nausea and fitful sleep. Managed to get it together enough to get in my car and get home, took a nap and had my wife drive me to the rad.

OK, so much for that. So let's take it easy, I think. Saturday, the day it's supposed to hit pretty hard, goes OK. I can't eat anything, but I manage to keep down a lot of liquid and am feeling pretty good about myself. Weak as kittens, but on my feet (sort of -- I still sleep 2 hours at a time for every hour I'm awake).

I arise Sunday optimistic that I'm going to hold this thing together. Sunday I make the conscious effort to take on food and continue the 60 so liquid regimen. We make a smoothie and over the course of the day I manage to get it down. By 1500 it's a huge mistake. Incan't digest it, move it, drink anything, etc. the nausea and vomiting start up and I'm starting to freak out. So...we call down to the oncology department and they get me into the ER for a couple of bags of fluid, some more anti nausea medicine.

Not feeling particularly proud of that performance, but they did tell me it wasn't off the course for the first chemo. The event has soured my mood a bit, as I thought I could simply rise above any difficulty, but it also reminds me that I have to pay attention and do the right thing, even when it makes me feel weak.

My lovely wife sat with me through the entire time despite me being so exhausted as to be semi-lucid. She's the real strength!

Staying home today, hoping to recover. I am already down so many days at work, I 'm not sure how I'll get back to it when this is over. Tough to believe this is only the beginning, but I'm more determined ever to hang tough - I didn't put myself through chemo hell to quit now.

Thank you for your kind words and advice! The nausea is really a killer at every angle for me, but I know we all know it will be. Mostly, thank you for your lent strength. I know so many of you have done this, and made it, it helps me to know hat I will too.

Here's hoping today goes better than yesterday!

The Hellion