Hi Gilb, well I'm sorry to hear your news.
I well remember getting this news ourselves, twice.. As Kris's wife, it just shattered me. I was terrified. For him. For me and for our future.
You will both get through this, believe me.
I found the waiting very hard, but once a treatment plan was in place and underway, I was able to calm down And put my fighting hat on.
Give your wife time. Do let her voice her thoughts, fears and worries.
She may want to stay terribly close to you - I wanted to touch Kris constantly. A reassurance that he was still there, when I was terrified of losing him. Let her love you.
Thinking of you both,
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!