Gilb, I don't think that's cruel. My surgery was 14 hours and I told my parents there was no point in staying at the hospital, they might as well wait at home. My team promised to call with an update and when they would be able to see me. My surgeon called them at 8:30 pm (I went in at 6 am) and gave an update. Maybe you can arrange for the same thing.

As for the neck dissection, I had it on both sides. There is no pain from it (there is nerve damage so that's actually a bonus). Usually they will only do a ND when the PET is positive for lymph involvement. The ND was the easiest part of the surgery, but took the most amount of physical recovery time for range of motion in the neck.