How has tx affected sex in the rel'ships here, other than not feeling 'up' to doing much of anything b/c of fatigue, sores, etc. Any long-reaching effects? Kind of embarassing to ask but if not here, where?

Just hang on there Gretchen and our very own resident sex therapist (aka David CPA)will be galloping in with his help and advice.
Regards liz

Gretchen

Quite a big "other" exclusion. I can only answer from the male perspective but you can reassure your partner that there is nothing to fear but fear itself in this area. The bad news is that neither radiation or chemotherapy will be replacing Viagra so those "other" reasons linger. Still there is always cuddling during this time. However once recovery is underway, all systems are go rather quickly.
Unlike prostate cancer TX, impotence is NOT a routine side effect. Obviously tongue surgery can have an effect on one's lovemaking techniques but that's why they invented vibrators. (Go with the gold standard: Hitachi's Magic Wand). Ten months after my TX, my wife and I had a VERY romantic time in Rome and Venice, even taking advantage of the huge seven foot soaking tub for aquatic adventure. Plus the break lets you enjoy even more what can tend to be just satisfying after twenty five years of marriage, and recapture those thrilling courtship feelings. So at least for me, the answer is no long term effects that cannot be easily mitigated. One of the few advantages of this cancer over prostate. Great question, and one that all my doctors avoided.
Charm

You know I started a thread about this topic almost 3 years ago when I first came here and it's not been a frequent topic so maybe it only affects a few of us or maybe it's not that easy to talk about it but..... my wife and I have a pretty active sex life. I mean she was a Sky Slut at one point of her career but I digress. Anyway sex is a very normal part of our life and when I was just to "preoccupied" during the throws of Tx to either just not be interested or even worst couldn't it affected both of us. Probably me more than her because I guess it meant another part of my life had been taken from me by this cancer. I don't care how strong your sexual desires are, at some point your body has to reprioritize it's functions to deal with all the physical and mental challenges it's dealing with. I don't remember how long the Tx affected my desire or performance (probably 3 to 4 weeks) but I do know it was one of the first things to come back when I walked out of my tunnel.

hey just go for it and enjoy
If there is any better cure all , he kept it for himself LOL

just don't be swapping much spit or putting those little neck bites that turn purple and you will be fine

I was wondering if I should ask as well.
Our sex life has been non existant since mid September. Martin seems to have no desire. But we cuddle in bed.
I think as he is still healing his body is saving up his energy. But I think it should improve soon as he gets more umpf.

Cecila

You may need to take matters in hand, so to speak, to jump start the process. I just went back through my journals to see how long my slump lasted last time and it was from mid radiation until 2 weeks after TX ended. Just no desire. Even then, until I was off the pain pills, our frequency was drastically reduced.
Take all the pain, fatigue etc and add the male performance anxiety inherent in starting up again to understand why Martin may be avoiding any risk here. My wife was extremely understanding and patient in helping me get back up to speed,
It will improve though.
charm

Be careful as fooling around with the male ego sex thing can be very dangerous especially in our fragile mental state during our Tx and into the recovery. I'm sure we're not all alike but I didn't need any external motivation and it wouldn't have helped when I was just plain unable to physically do what I mentally wanted to do and I think it would have frustrated me even more if my wife had tried to push me to soon. This may be one of those No Win situations.

Cecilia

I should have clarified that all my wife's actions were at my request. David's advice is spot on as the youngsters say.
The pain pills affected my performance more than desire once I was finished treatment. I did not need any motivation, more like cranking out a jump start on an old model T ford
charm