Wow this sucks!!! Let's see I have been in that vicious circle physical activity helps but treatment not allowing it. I am hard on myself right now too. It is frustrating to want to or have been able to in the past do things and now can't it's more than grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....I live with someone who is depressed and have been afflicted with depression for almost 20 yrs now. I has taken me a long time to "deal" with it. Like talking to your mother who is depressed she loves you means well and wants to help but it is difficult for you I understand that concept. For many many years it took all I had just to get up in the morning and it is still a fight now and again. You cannot compare diseases but depression can be just a big a monster as others. They are all demonds. Depression like others can be beaten too!!! Yes it takes the right combination and support you just gotta keep trying. It is that magic potion what works for you. May not work for someone else. You need to focus on the "quality of life". A good friend reminded me of that in a note I read today and she is right we need to live for today and well now I am just sounding like a preacher lol but when it comes to some of these situations repitition of the positive can help! Keep after those professionals and if the one isn't working push to get another...Demand help...that is far too long to be without help when you are in your situation.
About loosing muscle mass I understand that one they keep telling me to walk that is really hard and physio I don't think I am doing anything am used to gym workouts but it is just remember baby steps start small and rebuilt we have to rebuild from ground level. Just gotta think like that train cept change it "I know I can" the mind is a powerful ally or foe you have to choose what side you want it on!! Please take care and keep reaching out you will find the combination and it will work... I know this sounds like fluff but it isn't I am a surviver of depression, many chronic pain issues and now cancer. You deserve a full and happy life and you can have it with baby steps...It never seems that you have made it very far but when you look back man what a distance you have travelled..

Have you tried journalling? It really helps...keeps organized too I know when that my brain is mush sometimes and writing things down helps..

I have not tried journalling; it's usually hard to do anything.
The biggest challenge is getting up after sleeping, in massive anxiety and being afraid to get up (over sleeping or spending time in bed then wacks the sleep cycle. How did you manage to overcome that.

I have a few observations for you. It is common (and therefore normal) to have depression creep into our lives during all phases of cancer. What you must not do is allow depression to rule your life. If it is or does you have little choice than professional help. (I mean competant professional help) and perhaps AD drugs. I do believe that we have the power to pull out of the path of depression.

I also believe that ANY physical activity is helpful. If you can walk two steps then you can walk 2 blocks. By moving around, your body and mind can start to recognize healing. You'll feel better, sleep better and dwell less on the negative.

Things will be hard but as Mark has said if you can take two steps...it works with even with journalling some things you just have to force yourself to do. Then it gets easier and then habbit then you will find you can't live without it.
As far a walking or anything if you have a mp3 or walkman of anykind play music that motivates it works the same as music to relax. Push yourself but gentle pushes.

Depression is like looking out accross a swinging bridge to the other side of greener pastures and sunshine...It is scary as hell. It is a long road..but you can break it up into sections and walk them off. Before you know it you are close to the other side and your confidence builds and you are there. You can do it.

You two said that very well. I know when I came out of that induced coma after just a few days and got to come home. I was like a baby learning to navigate again. I have a split entry home and couldn't walk the steps, I had to crawl up them I got in the bathtub the next morning and couldn't gat back out of it.. was laughing at myself and my helplessness. I tried to wind my schoolhouse clock, knowing I would end up on the floor. Yep, fell off the chair I was standing on.LOL Just keep laughing and get the deterkination that you are winning the ball game and gradually you will. I never eb=ven imagining not winning and did. I still stumble at times .

I am unaware that there are any other thyroid numbers other than TSH - are you confusing your other bloodwrks results?

Your doctor's nuts - cancer fatigue is a well known side effect of treatment and in fact the basis for SSDI claims.

Gary -

There are three levels in the blood that are tested for thyroid problems: TSH, T3 and T4. TSH seems to be the most common one that is tested although I had an endocrinologist who insisted that only showed part of the thyroid story so she always tested all three. My current doc only tests the TSH.

- Margaret

I have lab results in my personal files with T3, T4, T7, Free T4 and TSH -- My Doc usually only wants TSH.

I have, without a doubt, been dealing with anxiety/depression. I was in a meeting with my boss, my boss' boss and some other higher ups. That is the moment I had my panic attack. When all was said and done I was terrified to drive. Since my fiancee and I work together it was easy for me to avoid driving. After 2 days I decided I had to nip it in the bud. I drove my 45 minute drive on the PA turnpike to work. I stayed in the right lane and talked to myself to stay as calm as possible. Once I was close to work I cried uncontrollably. I was so excited that I did it. Now I can drive again. What I am saying is, you have to fight your fears. I know it is hard, I was so scared and felt like I couldn't breathe the whole time. But I'm so happy I did.

I also go to therapy and take Lexapro. Has your therapist told you about triggers and you need to get rid of them? In my case, smells were a real trigger. I got rid of the candles I used at those times and shampoo and body wash. I did other things that made a huge difference too. I put a slip cover on the couch so the house looked different. My favorit? I smashed all of my pain meds. That got rid of a lot of my frustration. I wish you luck and let me know if I can do anything to help!!

Why is she doing it? Is she trying to trick me out of it: as in I am bringing it on myself by thinking it? It mostly pisses me off; i.e. she does not want to help me and only cares that I am alive. She is a surgeon. She and the RO are constantly saying ask the other one. It's as if they are just interested in saving lives but not quality of life; maybe they have to do that in order to survive in their career. or use their time to save more lives vs. worrying about more minor patient problems.

[quote=Gary]
Your doctor's nuts - cancer fatigue is a well known side effect of treatment and in fact the basis for SSDI claims. [/quote]