It seems it has been a while since I have asked a question. But I am having a problem and not sure if it is a misconception of mine or if it is real. It seems like people are getting tired of my recouping. It seems to be taking so long and it has become old news. The fact that I can't do things cause I am still sore is getting old. I am still doing things and it is getting better but I still have a long way to go. It is funny how soon people forget. People are lighting up around me forgetting or it isn't as serious any more. The worst of it is over. Not realizing that I am still scared of reoccurance. If smoking caused this and if smoking can increase my chances of reoccurance I am scared when they light up when I am in their car. I don't feel it is my right to demand or ask they not light up. They used to obstain now don't think about it. It was probably because it never used to bother me and I said it was ok once in a while. It's like "NO don't you light up!!" as they light up in front of me. I am having a hard time with it right now. I don't crave them nicotine is out of my system but I just want one now more than ever. It seems to consume my thoughts. This road has not been easy and while the people in my life love me I feel like they think it is over and done with. Man it is funny how quickly people forget or seem to..

You should never be around second hand smoke. It is not too much to ask for you to remind people. Please be diligent with this. Think about it this way-if you had a loved one that could not be around smoke you would not hesitate to speak up. Treat yourself like you would treat a loved one. YOU are important enough to take care of. Be your own advocate. It is difficult for women in particular to to this for themselves-but you must. Your are so worth it!!!

Sue

Thanks for the pep talk Sue. I needed it.

I guess since all of this has happened things seemed to have calmed down a whole lot and I do not look that different people forget what I have gone through. It is not obvious...well it is to me..This is a good thing and am very grateful there has not been any real noticable scaring outwardly. Maybe this is the post surgery depression people are talking about. I don't feel depressed but something isn't right...But unless you live this I can immagine how difficult it would be to understand the healing process. It is more than physically I am now coming out of the fog. I have moments where I can't fathom what was done.

I was disappointed when the doctor said another six months before I could look at getting teeth back. Then I realize wow I am lucky but still am still impatient. I want the stiffness to go away the tightness, I want to be able to have my mobility back. I have not posted any of this because I feel so ashamed of how I feel. Here I am whining when I have so much to be thankful for!! There are so many people who have faced and are facing so much more. I don't like that either. I am also really scared as my doctor said there are no follow up cat scans to detect any sign of reoccurance. They only scan if there is something warrants it. How am I supposed to know what normal is?? I guess I didn't think I would ramble so much once I started. There must be more there than I realize. I think I am going to go and figure this out what is really on my mind before I ramble on too long...

Thanks for listening and supporting

I don't think it's helpful to be be ashamed of one's feelings, whatever they are. Because someone else faces a difficult situation, yes, maybe even more difficult than your own, that does not negate the challenge that you face. It's a tremendous adjustment for all OC patients.

Others can't understand the extent of side effects involved with this treatment - perhaps it's better to try to educate them, instead of becoming angry (and believe me I have also been angry at insensitivity). This treatment involves basic functions of eating, talking, swallowing, breathing. I try to point out - how well do "normal people" function with a tooth abcess that goes on for several days?

I think there is a general assumption by the public that cancer treatments have improved (better meds to combat nausea, advances in surgical techniques, etc.) and although this is true, there's plenty of suffering still to be endured. Your body and mind go through an assault and it is difficult to move on. Expecting too much from yourself, does not speed up the healing process.
Lottie

For time being, "normal" is how you feel NOW! It will change slowly and you might only see that in hindsight -- Don't worry about it because that just makes it all harder to bear.