Hi all. I don't know how to help my husband. He doesn't read this board and doesn't realize the long road he has ahead. He is soooooo depressed (I certainly don't blame him one bit). If he knew some of the things you were writing - that things can take YEARS to get better - I think he might pitch himself off the nearest bridge. I'm exaggerating, of course, but still, I'm worried and I'm not sure what to do.

I don't even know what my point is. All of you are so strong and amazing. I know Tim is too; he just doesn't realize it yet. I guess I'm looking for a little hope to share with him, some wisdom to impart that will help him see things in a different light.... I don't know... Anybody?

Have you spoken to his doctor? I don't know how anyone going through this wouldn't be depressed. The worst should be over when the radiation ends. To my husband that was the worst part of the treatment. There will be many issues to address that's for sure but he should start to feel better soon. Just keep telling him how strong he is and that you're proud of him.

Sue

Hi Wendy,

Until cancer I never saw my dad down a day in my life. It became necessary to talk to the doctors about anti-depressants to help with the depression. Talk to your husbands doctors and explain to them what is going on. There are medications that can help with the depression. I'm sure they can find something that works for him. Your husband has been through a lot and still has a ways to go.

Joy

Wendy,

If he/you want to call me 727.322.5669 during the day I will certainly take the call and do what I can to help.

Wendy,

My first thought is will he take it if his Doc gives him an antidepressant? I know I needed one and wouldn't accept it at first. My Doc asked "Why are you refusing my recommended meds and treatment?". I hadn't really thought of it that way. I was in the hospital and just WANTED TO GO HOME! I did start taking them then and it helped.

I know my case is not the "norm", as I was desperately ill for months after treatment and almost didn't make it, but it seems that depression at this point is not unusual. I should think that it could only help him to know that he's not expected to all of a sudden be all better now that treatment is done. The treatment is very hard on our systems and takes a while to heal and recover from. It will happen, though, just more slowly than any of us want. I don't know him so this is only a suggestion, but many men feel that they always need to be strong, tough, etc. Could he be feeling like he's a failure in that because treatment's done and he's not 100% fine now? Maybe some of our guys will weigh in here and offer their suggestions.

As far as the permanent and long-term effects - well, none of us really knows which or how bad or if. I'm still hoping for saliva to return at least in part. And I'm working on getting the surgery I need in order to get teeth. My real swallowing problems didn't start to get bad until a year after Tx, and the greatest part of that problem has been solved by throat dilation. I know that a huge step for me was to accept and embrace my new normal. I needed to go through a mourning process for the loss of the way things used to be but would never (or maybe never) be again. This happened for me over a year after treatment ended.

I don't know if anything I've written is a help, but I know this is so very hard on you, too. It's heartbreaking to see a loved one in so much pain and feel so helpless. It will get better, though, for both of you. That's a promise.

Lani

Rule of Thumb is one month recovery for each week of radiation -- He's now past the worst of it but the light at the end of the tunnel is not yet visible -- I vote for anti-depressant meds, being a long-time user myownself!

Wendy

Im sorry to hear your husband is struggling so much with depression. It is very very common. Hopefully he does realize this and will agree to take meds. Most OC patients have taken soemthing to ease their anxiety at one point or another. It doesnt mean they will need this for a long period of time, just sometimes people need a little help with how devastatign cancer is. I took something only a couple times, maybe about 5 or 6 times I needed it. I think it was called Laxapro, but not completely sure. Hoping things get better soon.

A shrink friend of mine tells me that currently Cymbalta and Lexapro are the two most successful ADs in her practice -- However, one may have to take them for longer periods (Some ADs take a month-six weeks to build up a sufficient level in the body) before they are effective -- Docs usually prescribe anti-anxiety meds to use as-needed during the buildup period.

I'm surprised that everyone thinks meds are the way to go. We finally are at the point where we don't have to use a spreadsheet to keep track of all his medications! I gently suggested meds, he said no. (He's been on them before, as he has a predisposition to depression.) I asked him to please think about it if his level of depression doesn't lessen as the days go on. I think this got him thinking a little and he's actually seemed a little bit better. Sometimes I think I'm the one who needs the medication. ;-)

Sometimes I think I need them too! Hopefully your husband will start feeling better mentally as he feels better physically. You have both been through hell and need some time to get past it. Unfortunately I have been self medicating with food and need to find another outlet.

Sue