I have read quite a few postings under different forums and I am concerned. My mother, 85, has a large painful lump at the base of her throat. Cat scan shows that half her throat is closed, they referred us to a tumor center, appt is next Tuesday. Has not been diagnosed with cancer yet, but from all the forums here, that is probably what we are looking at. She has many medical problems already and all the treatments that I have read about on these boards may do her more harm than good and I am not sure she will survive them. If that is the case, and she chooses not to be treated, what will her death be like? Is this the nightmare it sounds like, will this be a horrific death without treatment, or are there things that the doctors will do to make living til the end a bit better/easier? I have been caring for her for the last two years because my father got ill and died of liver cancer. We cared for him at home til his time came, but this sounds much worse. Someone please enlighten me, what is around the corner for us?
Carol

Carol, my heart goes out to you and your Mother. There are several forum members who have had to travel the same road you're on, unfortunately. I'm sure many will offer their opinions. Know that there are those of us who care about you and what you're facing. Keep posting...

Lois & Buzz in NC

Thank you for your reply. I was afraid it was too blunt, but did not know any other way of asking. I don't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad, but this is my reality. My heart is broken, I don't want to see my mother suffer and I don't know what's coming, but the direction it's going is very disheartening. The treatments I have read about here are effective, however severe, which will kill her. Thank you for your thoughts......
Carol

Hello Carol.Please feel free to ask what is on your mind and I will do my best to answer any specific questions you have.Sometimes this sort of subject can be more openly discussed on private message or personal e-mail which you will find in my profile bearing in mind no two people are the same,but i may be able to put some of your worst fears to rest.

liz

[i] Hello.... Cookey I responded to you yesterday via personal message and was expecting a response, however, reading some of the other boards, it appears that this function may not work properly and you may have not received my message. I am dissapointed that I haven't received much in responses to my post. Is it because my mother is so old that there aren't very many out there that have experienced my problem or is it because the idea of death as a reality is not something that people are willing to discuss? My heart is broken! My mother is going to die! Whether it be with the treatment....which will kill her or without the treatment, which will kill her, please someone tell me, which is the kindest? I don't want to see her suffer any more than she has to...........
Why doesn't anyone answer me? My keyboard is wet from my tears and yet I cannot cry in front of her, I have to be strong for her and give her strength. I know that she knows that she is going to die. She was smiling and laughing today when she had no reason to, so very unlike her..., she has an onry streak. She is trying to make me feel better. Am I in the wrong place to share my pain and sadness?/i]
There has to be someone out there that has been here before
Please help me
Carol

Hi Carol,i have checked my in box and i have no private messages.I really don't know what the problem is but be assured i will respond to your post immediately.Luckily i put a watch notification on this subject and got a message to my personal e-mail address which you will find in my profile if you want to write to me there.



love liz

HI Carol
just checked and pauls posts are under coping with anger and fear not blogs.his screen name is PaulR last one was in january.

love liz

Carol, Liz
if I am not mistaken his screen name is: Paul R (with a space) otherwise you will not find it.

It may be easiest to search for his posts under user lists.

Markus

Carol -- Trust me, nobody is ignoring your post or avoiding the subject. However, it is a specific topic that I, as a survivor, do not feel qualified to express a view on. I have not had someone close die of this disease, and frankly have difficulty putting myself hypothetically at your mother's age, with her various health problems, and facing possible cancer treatment. There are so many variables, it is an impossible task unless you have been there.

Liz has been there, and continues to contribute to the community in a most wonderful and caring way. Keep in mind that not many people have the generousity and courage to continue contributing to a site like this after losing a loved one.

For me to offer advice on this subject would be presumptuous, and potentially damaging. None of us want to say or do anything that would steer you on the wrong course. Those with direct experience are really the only ones who can meaningfully contribute.

Thanks Markus,i just e-mailed the thread to Carol it seemed easiest.

love liz