OK , well most of you know me by now ,,enough to know that I can be rather quirky . But I am having a hard time and I don't know that anyone here gets it....I think they think I am crazy ..maybe I am

Last year on Jan 22nd , I sat in an Oral surgeons office and was told that I had Oral cancer, you all know what followed and what the year was like ..If you dont know my exact personal experience you know you own. It wasnt fun. and I don't like being at Dr's offices, even for the kids and routine check ups. It get s overwhelming to me .. I spent ALOT of time in Dr'sm offices and Hospitals last year.

So ANYHOW.. This year on Jan 22nd ( 1 year to the DAY ) My 8 year old will be having surgery with an Oral Surgeon. To Ironic for me . The Oral Surgeon part has Nothing to do with cancer , they are removing 9 teeth as they don't know what is going on with her Lymph Node. Actually , they are now talking about bringing someone in to biospy the Node while she is Under as it hasnt gone down . It has been 3-4 weeks and 3 full courses of Antibiotics. So they may Biopsy to test for Lymphoma while she is Under the anesthia... Are you Kidding me .....1 Year to the day ..WOW.
ANd the fact an Oral Surgeon , I mean if it was her appendix , it wouldn't hit so close to home.

I know I am being neurotic or crazy . I also don't want to sit there alone while my child is in surgery . I asked Joe if he was going to go with me. He seemed bothered by it .

I know that part of the reason is because His EX GF ( from 17 years ago mind you ) is a nurse at that Hospital ( I dont usually use that hospital , i dont have a choice this time) .
I don't think he wants to deal with her. LIKE I DO ?????
She has tried to cause alot of problems over the past 16 1/2 years..Crazy obssesive things.. almost scary at times that someone holds on to a 6 month HS relationship like that .

Whatever ..I can deal I have to for my daughter...Just a dreaded day !!

Not to mention I have a new lesion on the floor of my mouth under my tongue ,fun fun fun , way to start of the new year . My ENT thinks it looks viral ( that is what they said about the cancer too !) so again a wait and see game ..I think right now I am just more stressed about my daughter and her surgery and the date and the fact it is at that hospital ....ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

Shar,
Sorry to hear what your baby is facing, and your fears....you could twist it and see that you have made it through all the BS, and you are a 1 year survivor. As for the crazy ex-girlfriend-wouldn't worry, 16.5 years is a bit much. You are the one he chose to be with and still does. She knows this. I just wouldn't engage. Too much else on your plate to deal with.
email me is you want to talk more about this.
Will be thinking about all of you.
D

Shar, you have been there for me and if I didn't have to start that radChemo, i wold go to the hospital and sit with you. You are not being crazy or paranoid. You are being a good mother to your daughter. Tell the hubby ot get his butt in gear and make him go with you. As for the ex gfriend. I would tell her to walk outon the interstate and play in the traffic. If she gives you any problems or bothers you in any way go to the hospital supervisor and get something done about her. I am sure he will do something and get her off you and you husbands back. This is unethical for her to be trying to ruin your life after that many years or even if it were 1 day. I can tell you are worried about youo daughter as we all would be, so just do the best you can for her and stay with her. We all love you here and will be praying for your daughter and you.

Shar,

My heart goes out to you and your husband.It has been almost 30 years since we faced such a scare with a child. The testing and not knowing was the hardest part. No matter how strong we are for ourselves, having a child in peril is so frightening.

Do not be too hard on your husband. He has had the trauma of the past year and now his baby is facing the unknown and he can't fix it. He can't even tell her how he feels. One of my grandchildren has been through multiple illnesses and surgeries requiring hospital stays. I was the one who has spent the most time with my d-in-law. My son had been busy working and is like my father was - he can't take being in hospitals or around sick people. This is just some people's nature. When he was little he stopped talking to my mother. She realized that he was frightened by a big wound on her leg. Once it healed he was OK.

I have a sister with a very aggresive form of breast cancer. We have come to relize that when serious illness strikes it can be harder on the family than on the one suffering.

You and your husband should not have to deal with the addditional burden of fear of the former gf. Tell your doctor about her. Perhaps he can help you deal with the situation through channels. Hopsitals are real gossip mills and she must be handled in such a way that she willl never know that you instigated any action. If he can not help, speak with a medical social worker in the hospital.
Malka

Sharlee -
I know it is so difficult when something happens to one of our children. I always felt, it would be much easier if I could take the pain for them. I use to feel that once they were grown it would get easier, but it doesn't. You always worry about your children no matter how old they get. But you are a strong woman and you will get through this. Such good advice you've gotten above. Malka's right, some people can't handle being in hospitals or around sick people. My ex was the same way and could just not handle any kind of crisis situation. When my mother died, I flew back East from Chicago with my children and he came later (by car) after everything was all over to drive home with us. Try not to worry about the ex g.f. Malka has given you some good ideas, and besides you have better things to think about like all the people who do care about you and are here with big hugs for you.

Ouch Sharlee--you certainly don't sound neurotic or crazy--and if you can't be 'in bits' on here, where can you?--so much to deal with at one time and all that 'hanging around' with nothing but bad memories, fear for the future and worry about the ex.
2 things you SHOULD be able to deal with--see the hospital about the ex so she gets nowhere near, and insist Joe comes with you.
We know illness is not his 'forte', to put it mildly, but both you and your daughter really need him to be there--any chance the doc could talk to him about that?
Keep coming here Shar, email us and anything else you want so we can try to help you through this.
Thinking of you, Bren x

Sharlee,

About the only thing you can do without loosing your sanity is just deal with it as a part of life that we all go through. Some have it much worse than others. I'm sure you will get through this and children are much better than adults at shrugging things like this away. We will all be here for you so that's a good thing to have in your corner.

Shar
Just a note to let you know we are thinking of you and the little one. You have been so strong this past year... you are about the same age as my daughter and I think you have dealt wonderfully with what has been going on in your life.

Now just put on that pretty woman smile and off you go!
Oh ...and Let us know how things go.

Good luck shar.
loads of love Liz

I know I can do this...I Just wish the date was different, and you are right ,,easier to be the patient ..Then the parent of a sick child... Somedays it still seems like system overload.

Of course why wouldn't it with 5 kids..LOL Most days I am good though. The Ex GF things bothers me , but I know I have options there, ANd I also know I am the bigger person and have been for the past 16 1/2 years . And I almost feel bad for her.

The not knowing is the hard thing ..that and the irony of the date .

Shar