My husband just completed 37 radiation treatments and 7 chemo treatments for squamous cell ca of right tonsil with metastisis to one lyph node.. had removal of the lymph node and also tosilectomy Feb. 'o5. He knows in his head that it will be several weeks to feel any improvement, but now spends much of his time anticipating pain, difficulty swallowing. choking etc and is preoccupied with preventing as much as possible with the use of medications. I want him to be comfortable but His judgement is really impaired and we have discussed not making any decisions regarding retirement or signing any documents, checks etc. or taking meds. I have been on a leave from work during the past several weeks of his treatment and was hoping to return to work as my paid time off is coming to an end. I am an RN, which sometimes makes things worse because I feel I should be better able to handle the medical and emotional aspects. Almost 100% of his nutrtion/ hydration is by Peg tube. Last night while I was sleeping he took lots of extra medication and this morning is very confused. He becomes very angry and emotional when we try to discuss this. I guess I'm just venting but am feeling very frustrated and am open to all suggestions. Am I being to controlling or overprotective.. HELP@#%%%&

Brenda,

The overmedication can be casued by depression. Radiation can do that. I was very depressed after my treatment.
I was exaclty the opposite. I refused to take my pain meds and made everyone's life around me a living hell. My wife talked to my doctors and they had a sit down with me to straighten me out.

I think you have to make the call. Tell your doctors whats happening.
They at the very least will point you both in the right direction.

Even though you are a proffesional care giver, it doenst make seeing you loved one suffer any easier. Talk to the docs. Let them be the ones to tell him to get back on the horse. Make them the bad guys so to speak. You dont want him to have to suffer through withdrawl on top of what he has already been through.

Drop me a line if you need to talk.

Take it easy.
Robert

Hello Brenda,

He sounds depressed. Is he taking any anti-depression meds? I would let his doctor know what is going on. He may be able to help him overcome this fear. It's real easy to fall into
the habit of numbing yourself fron the whole cancer experience.
My wife is also a Nurse and without her it would have been alot harder on me. I was lucky to have someone experienced in the medical world.

I hope you can resolve his problem and remember you can't do everything for him. Take some time for yourself. Your batteries need recharging also to be an effective caregiver.

Best Wishes, Danny Boy

I'm so sorry that your going through this...I am a pediatrician and I found the medical aspects (g-tube feed and trach care REALLY, REALLY hard). It also in some ways made it harder for my husband because he felt like I was an insider and more pushy at times about keeping up with meds, etc...He said taht he wanted to do things on his own and not have me treat him like a patient...so once I was sure that his depression was treated (zoloft and counselling), I help him by counting out meds, or leaving fresh water for flush, or other things taht would allow him to do some things but still get some help and STAY SAFE!!!

I think one of the hardest things for me has been the emotional and cognitive changes taht came w/ treatment...DO GET BETTER!!!!

Our oncologist calls it "chemo brain" and now my husband jokes about it and uses it as needed ;-)
As in "Whoops, forgot the milk...must be chemo brain."

Hang in there ... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband...take care, Sara

Thanks for the note.. helps to know that others are dealing with the same stuff and survivng. Surprisingly my husbnd is a psychologist but having difficulty practicing what he teaches. Many times I feel like the enemy and that i am being "too pushy" Most of the time he verbalizes how appreciative he is for me "being there" but the times a lashes out are so hurtful when I'm trying so hard to help... thanks again.
I have suggested the anti-depressants but he has BPH and in the bast the anti-depressants have made that worse. Thanks for caring.. brenda