Hello! Update on my Dad. His surgery ended 21 hours later at 5:in the morning. I have never felt so helpless. He looked awful - he has had his total chin area replaced with a flap from his back. We are not out of the woods and pray the flap survives. I was prepared to see him and knew what to expect thanks to all of you. I would have totally lost it if I had not been to this forum. I did have so much trouble today because he was awake and trying to communicate and I had to go in the hall and cry. I felt so bad for him and lost for me. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS . . but it is not all about me. I know it will get easier everyday for him . . .but I feel like a need a big long cry . . .maybe I am not the type of person who can really deal with this part of it and I feel so so so so awful . . .

Laura

Laura,
Have a Big Big Hug!!
You can and are dealing with this and are human. This is not easy as you have already discovered. You cannot expect to turn your emotions off and always be a pillar of strength. A good cry, believe it or not, will do wonders for you. My shoulder is always here if you need it. Your strength can only go so far and then have to be recharged. The care, love and support you are putting forth for your father are incredible. You are right that it is not all about you, but you have to take care of you to be there for him. You need rest, you need support, and you need to take moments to be emotional with him and away from him. Don't get discouraged you are a wonderful daughter and I'm sure your father would agree.
Stay strong Laura, and know all of us are here for you.
My thoughts and prayers are for you and your father.

Mike

Baby,

NO! Don't you ever feel awful!!

You are one of the strong ones able to deal with what is happening right now.

Dennis also went through wondering whether the flap had failed.

Granted...I watched them "trim" dead fap at his bedside. It is an horrific thing to go through.....BUT....after almost two months, he is doing fine.

You are being so strong! It sounds like you are having a great recovery so far.

Please feel my thoughts and prayers with you at this time.



God Bless and

Love,
Mandi

Laura, My father also had surgery, although not as extensive as your fathers. It is a difficult thing to see and go though on both sides. I too spent a lot of time in the hallway sheding tears because I didn't want him to see me cry. Suctioning out the breathing tube was the most difficult thing for me. I would hold his hand and shut my eyes. Fortunately Dad doesn't remember most of the three days immediately following surgery.

When I look back now, I see that I was a lot stronger than I thought I was. It's ok to cry - it doesn't mean that you are weak, it just means that you care. Hang in there. It's going to get better.

Joy

Your messages have calmed me . . . my husband complains that I am on this darn computer too much but I explained that those who have been there are the ones who really know what I am feeling. Just being able to be here with you all has given me comfort. Last night was an awful night for my Dad, he was physically struggling, trying to talk and trying to get up and was so agitated. They had to sedate him to keep him safe. It was best that we did not see him today. Does ICU do this to you? Plus not being able to communicate must be frustrating beyone belief. Okay, so I had a really GREAT CRY this a.m. and now feel ready for tomorrow. I am praying that he does not remember a thing about the last few days.

Laura

Laura,

The last time we emailed you thought that he would be done by midnight. That's an incredible ordeal to go through and right now things are at the height of difficulty for all of you to deal with. It will get better day by day.

I'm glad you took my advice to get back to the forum. As you can see, there are many here with the experience of being a caregiver and you WILL receive all the support that you need.

You know how to reach me if there is anything you need me to do.

Jerry

Laura

It dosen't hurt to cry when you need to . And you know what helped me communicate in the hospital ..even though I could SLUR really well. ( LOL I can JOKE about it now ,,I do with my kids cus it makes them feel better ) My family got me a dry erase board. and it helped so much ...another Idea is Index cards with words on them ..like frequently used words. Yes No , hungry , bathroom , Pain , whatever you think is helpful. Just little Ideas. Somtimes the communication is the frustrating part and when we feel we can't speak it is agitaiting and we don't THINK of other ideas so it helps for others to have then ready for us.

MY surgery was NO WHERE near as extensive as your dads ... But I think all of us have some communication difficulty ...so just a few thoughts ...thinking of you and your dad ..ANd you know my Mother use to tell me I was on here to much , she never understood ( still dosen't) how much it helps !

Shar

Dear Laura, many of us listen and don't respond to each person, though our hearts break for them. I am one of these, but I was moved to respond because you are having such a hard time, and you love your dad so much. Being allowed to be part of this very intense time for him is a blessing for you...a privilege.....though I know that you would exchange places with him without a thought. Please know that you WILL make it through, and you will be a blessing for your dad. We are here, whether we answer each time or not. Please know that there is an army of people here who understand and are weeping with you and pulling for you.

Laura,

Here's hoping tomorrow will be a better day with less tears than yesterday.

Joy

Laura,
My husband left strict instructions with all of my daughters that they were NOT to give me a mirror if I asked for one after I came around from my surgery. That's how bad I looked. With the swelling, the stitches, drainage tubes, it can look like a nightmare. Just remember that it's temporary.

Love,
Minnie