Hello,

I am the "caregiver's caregiver", helping my sister as she cares for her husband. I am trying to find any helpful advice for helping her young children deal with seeing their father suffer from the side effects of chemo and rad.

Their boy, age 5, is mad at the world right now. Their daughter, age 9, is very emotional and bursts out in tears a few times a week that she just wants Daddy to get better.

My sis is so busy providing care, transportation, etc. We have family members staying with them on an alternating basis to help with the kids' daily activities-school, meals, baths...I know my sis feels blessed to have that.

The school counselors are already involved. I'd like to do some kind of hand-on activities, play therapy, art therapy...I already have ordered some books.

I understand the fastest growing population of oral cancer patients is young adults. That means more young children at home seeing their parents suffer.

I think a thread on this topic would be helpful to many people.

Thank You,
Sue

The very best thing you can do for them at this time is to keep their homelife and their day to day schedule as close to how it was as possible. I had a 9, 11, and 12 year old when I was going through treatment and that's how we played it, I pushed myself to make sure I was up and about as much as possible and we kept their lives as close to the same as possible. If they wanted to talk about it, we talked, but we didn't press and push at them to talk about it all the time. Mine came through it with such ease, I was proud of them and of my family.
Good luck with it!

Hi,
I am a 36 year old mum of a 10 year old daughter (her birthday last week - I can't belieive how old she is - or do I mean me ?!)
We also tried to keep things as normal as possible, so she attended school as normal, went to friends' parties, got told off (a bit) if she was naughty, etc! My mum came to stay whilst I was in hospital for my op and family helped during the chemo/radiotherapy.
My daughter has also made us very proud as she has been remarkable throughout. She was scared and still is of course and she did cry at times, but now tells me that she tried not to cry around others as she thought "It won't make it any better" I was worried when she told me this because I was afraid that she had bottled up her feelings, but she says not and we have all been very open with her. It breaks my heart to think of her crying and feeling scared and I have tried so hard to reassure her as honestly as I can.
Here in the UK there are books written for children about parents having cancer, although we didn't get any and particularly avoided the one in the hospital as it was a little gloomy in one section.
As 'minniea' says, we listen when she wants to talk and answer as well as we can. When I was diagnosed, I felt sad for her that she didn't have a sister or brother to talk to but in fact she has talked to us and to other family members.
Six weeks on from the end of treatment and this morning she told me that she was 'very proud of me for getting up every day' !! I hadn't realised that my couple of weeks in bed in the mornings as she got ready for school had been noted by her! Her perception of how well I now am seems to depend on whether or not I am able to make the breakfast and plait her hair - if my husband tackle the hair her shouts can be heard for miles and she looks a fright!
I'm sorry that I haven't offered any practical suggestions, just a lot of waffle. I am a teacher and have always found that children appreciate honesty and being listened to - other than this, I think that a reasonably busy time also helps.
I wish you and your family every good wish. (You sound like a lovely auntie)
Georgia