#43846 09-12-2004 03:26 AM | Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 458 Platinum Member (300+ posts) |  Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 458 | Ok, Dan, while it's totally understandable for you to feel the way you do, if you don't "snap out of it" by Vegas I may have to recruit some help to collectively give you a swift kick in the fanny if you know what I mean. And there's going to be at least 4 other guys there who I'm pretty sure will help. 5 against one ain't good odds. And I'm not playing boats, planes, trains and automobiles for 24 hours to get to Vegas and watch you mope around.
Although I'm not certain I would approach your situation with the amount of "sangfroid" that I would like to think I would, now is the time to be going for the gusto as it were, not sitting around being bummed out. Sure, the hand we're dealt pretty much sucks. Nothing much we can do about it, but what separates the men from the boys is how we handle it. Do we sit at home and refuse to drink our milk? Or do we say heck with it and run with the bulls because what's the worse that could happen that isnt' going to anyway.
One of my favorite writers, Clive Cussler wrote in one of his books, his goal is to, when on his deathbed, the phone rings, and the blond buxom nurse bends over, picks it up and hands the phone to him. And it's his banker telling him he's 10 dollars overdrawn because he spent all his fortune on adventures.
Please, for you and your families sake, talk to a professional, we've all got a finite amount of time left, we need to make the most of it we can.
Bob
SCC Tongue, stage IV diagnosed Sept, 2002, 1st radical neck dissection left side in Sept, followed by RAD/Chemo. Discovered spread to right side nodes March 2003, second radical neck dissection April, followed by more RAD/Chemo.
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#43847 09-12-2004 05:13 AM | Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,116 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,116 | Danny Boy, please don't give up. I totally understand but we need you! Love, Carol
Diagnosed May 2002 with Stage IV tongue cancer, two lymph nodes positive. Surgery to remove 1/2 tongue, neck dissection, 35 radiation treatments. 11/2007, diagnosed with cancer of soft palate, surgery 12/14/07, jaw split. 3/24/10, cancer on tongue behind flap, need petscan, surgery scheduled 4/16/10
---update passed away 8-27-11---
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#43848 09-12-2004 06:49 AM | Joined: May 2003 Posts: 928 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: May 2003 Posts: 928 | Danny.. you are such a huge force on this board, I hate to hear you are suffering so much. You know your friends here are giving you the best advice and support they can. I realise I cannot put myself in your shoes but PLEASE ,Fight Danny, FIGHT!!
Marica
Caregiver to husband Pete, Dx 4/03 SCC Base of Tongue Stage IV. Chemo /Rad no surgery. Treatment finished 8/03. Doing great!
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#43849 09-12-2004 08:38 AM | Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,244 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2003 Posts: 1,244 | Danny.. Dig deep boyo.. somewhere inside of you is the strength to do what has to be done, and ONLY YOU can do it, but don't forget we are all here to lend a hand...
Walk in the sunshine if you can..
prayers.. love and hugs
Helen
SCC Base of tongue, (TISN0M0) laser surgery, 10/01 and 05/03 no clear margins. Radial free flap graft to tonsil pillar, partial glossectomy, left neck dissection 08/04
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#43850 09-12-2004 04:47 PM | Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,552 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2002 Posts: 3,552 | Hey Danny,
Your glass is full! Even the slightest edginess can send you over the top. The help that people are suggesting will empty some of that glass and give you a little breathing room. Your family needs you now.
When I was in the depths of treatment there is no way I could have summoned enough power from within. I had to surrender and ask for power from a power greater than myself. It was that and my faith that saw me through. I pray that you can reach out and find that power for yourself. Have faith that tommorrow will be the dawn of a new day and better attitude. There's still work to be done.
Gary Allsebrook
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Dx 11/22/02, SCC, 6 x 3 cm Polypoid tumor, rt tonsil, Stage III/IVA, T3N0M0 G1/2
Tx 1/28/03 - 3/19/03, Cisplatin ct x2, IMRT, bilateral, with boost, x35(69.96Gy)
________________________________________________________
"You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14 NIV)
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#43851 09-12-2004 05:25 PM | Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 155 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 155 | Danny
Sending you a big huge gigantic cyber hug which should promptly be followed by a gentle kick in the butt. Every day is work and I believe it's unbearably hard but you are still here and doin it. You have given so much to so many people in this community and I'm sure much more to those immediately around you...Take the love you need, now it's your turn. You have earned it. Feel it!! and try to get yourself centered and in a better space. TAlk TAlk Talk about it here... with your loved ones..with a counselor... in a group....Let the health professionals know where you are at and ask for help....you are in my prayers. Denise
Caregiver Husband Bob SCC tongue t2nomo Partial Glosectomy/neck disection 6/04 rad ending 9/23/04
Osteoradio-necrosis of the Mandible (ONJ) DX 6/09 Surgery 7/2/09 mandible resection/ several teeth extracted/ neck dissection NO FLAP and aggressive antibiotic therapy.
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#43852 09-13-2004 02:21 AM | Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 546 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 546 | Danny Boy, It's taken me a couple days to reply because I just wasn't sure what to say. And it took me awhile to get past the tears long enough to be able to type. I do want to echo the thoughts of many others here. I think you have received some terrific advice. A different antidepressant, counseling, a swift kick in the pants  .........all good suggestions. I definitely think depression must have a strong hold on you right now and that's perfectly understandable. Who in your shoes would not be depressed?  As for feeling dizzy, that does tend to happen when a person doesn't eat, Danny! As for the chemo, my advice to your family is to back off. Only you can decide how you want to fight this. They need to give you some breathing room. Christine makes a good point about checking with hospice. The only drawback to that (in Heather's case) was that hospice groups here don't accept people into hospice until they have decided to forego further treatment. You can move out of hospice if you wish to start treatment again, though, and then re-enter later. That may not be the case everywhere though. Even if you don't enter hospice yet, it would still be a good idea to talk to them and find out what they have to offer. Just having a plan in place for later may help to ease your mind. I would like to say I know exactly how you feel, but I don't. I knew my child was going to die, but that is not the same as knowing one's self is going to die. I feel ashamed to say it, but I gave up long before Heather did. Although I encouraged her to continue chemo and I tried to stay positive, I knew in my heart she wasn't going to survive. You have mentioned before that she was one, among others here, who set the bar high and she truly did. She didn't give up until just before the end. It was Friday, Sept 26th when she said she was done with treatment. Sunday the 28th, she expressed her wish for me to help her end it quickly (which I tried, but just couldn't bring myself to do). October 6th, she was gone. 10 days, Danny Boy, only 10 days before the end did she give up. But then, Heather was a very strong person. Her husband and her brother both said they would have given up months earlier. None of us could understand how she hung on as long as she did. During one memorable weekend in May, the doctors and nurses all felt she wouldn't make it through the weekend. They were all pressing her to choose her end-of-life options. Did she want to go on life support, etc. Can you guess her reaction? Depression, you think? No. She was angry! Angry that they were giving up on her. Angry to think that she was losing her allies in the fight. Angry because she wasn't ready to let go of life yet. You said you are angry. But are you angry enough? Maybe it's time to grab hold of that anger with both hands, Danny. Rant and rave and fight this thing tooth and nail. And never forget, doctors are only human. They are not gods. Yes, we all know this bastard of a disease kills, but I'm sure we have all heard stories about people who were given 6 weeks to live and ended up living 6 years instead! Yes, this probably will kill you, but who can know that for sure? For all we know, that new treatment breakthrough is only months away. Are you going to give up now and maybe miss out on a cure by mere months? Every month that you fight this brings you one month closer to a cure. Am I being too optimistic? Maybe. But that is what got Heather through 5 months of agonizing pain. The hope that a cure was just around the corner. That she would be that one-in-a-million who was granted a miracle. Don't give up that hope, Danny. You just never know what's in store just around the corner. Rainbows, hugs & much, much love,  Rosie
Was primary caregiver to my daughter Heather who had stage IV base of tongue SCC w/ primary recurrence. Original diagnosis August 21st, 2002. Primary recurrence March 18th, 2003. Died October 6th, 2003.
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#43853 09-13-2004 03:39 AM | Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 | Danny-
Hope you are reading all of these posts!!! Isn't this board fantastic, all of the love they have for you! Danny I am looking forward to meeting you in Las Vegas. You get yourself there!!!!!! Love, Kris
SCC Stage IV left tonsil neck disection 3/02 radiation finished 6/02 chemo finished 9/02
Stage 2A left breast cancer 3/09, chemo and radiation, finished treatment 2/7/10 -Stage 2 right beast cancer 10/14 chemo and radiation
Every day is still a gift :-)
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#43854 09-13-2004 06:41 AM | Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 116 Gold Member (100+ posts) | | Gold Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 116 | Danny Boy
You have been faced with a difficult challenge and up till now you have been marvelous. I always looked forward to your comments and how positive they were. From the response you got you can tell we all love and appreciate you and we are all pulling for you. So between our prayers and your approach to life you can beat this thing mentally. I know you can. So do as other suggest which was some great advise and we look to a long time of chatting with you.
SCC R-Tonsil T2 NO MO Dec 2003. Completed IMRT Radiation only to tonsils(72Gy) and neck(55Gy)March 04. Detected at age 50.
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#43855 09-13-2004 10:01 AM | Joined: May 2004 Posts: 137 Gold Member (100+ posts) | | Gold Member (100+ posts)
Joined: May 2004 Posts: 137 | Danny, I am with you on this. I have had my fill as well...I am tired of all the fight, fight, fight. I am running out of things to fight with...There is something around every corner. I just had my cat scan, doctor said my liver count was extrememly high. Had the scan, the byopsy. Scared to death, went today and found out that it was nothing but drug induced, which can be taken care of. But damm the years it took off of me and my family just waiting and crying. It is hard to keep that positive outlook when the very doctor and nurses are giving up....I don't blame the doctor, but dammm they could be quick about this and the very minute they get the results back, BAMMMM you have them...but no they make us wait and suffer. And that is exactly what it is---waiting and suffering...Now I am relieved----UNTIL NEXT TIME---------Vicki | | |
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