My friend is still in denial I think. She wn't talk about her husband's oral cancer. She needs financial assistance but won't call anyone because she says she is just ready to talk about and doesn't want to hear anything about oral cancer. I can understand she is very upset and scared. But I am afraid she will stay like this for too long and not make sure things are done that need to be. I don't want to upset her by talking about things, but at the same tiime, she isn't doing much. It's like she has totally shut down. I know that is OK and it happens and it is common to go through, but is there a time limit in which it just isn't good to be in that state anymore?

What can I do to help her out in areas that havenothing to do with her husband's cancer and yet help ease her burden? I rember how stressfull tings were when my husband had his heart attack and and undergoing treatment, I wish I could do something for her. I offer to watch the kids for her all the time, but I think I just need to go get them maybe and bring them here to play.

Also, how long are hospital stays usually. Her husband had his first surgery Tuesday (to remove part of his tongue) and is still there and will be there over the weekend. I was just wondering about how long these stays usually are.

Kimberly,

I know this must be very frustrating for you when you want to help but your friend is resisting it. Please try to help her understand that ignoring the situation will not make it go away. Unfortunately, this disease moves on its own timetable, and if she refuses to face up to it, she isn't helping her husband. Is there a social worker at the medical center that might be able to give her some direction?

As far as trying to help with non-medical issues, I think it's a great idea. Over the past several months I've been involved with a group from our church that's providing assistance to an oral cancer patient with things like meal preparation, transportation to radiation, household errands, etc. If you and some other friends can do things like that for her, it should help to free up some time for your friend to focus on her husband's care and becoming informed enough to make any decisions that need to be made about his treatment.

Hospital stays can vary for this type of surgery. I was in for 5 days and then recuperating at home for about 3 weeks, but I know others who have been in longer. It depends on the rate of healing and whether there are other complications that need to be dealt with at the hospital.

Your friend is fortunate to have you looking out for her. I hope she realizes it.

Cathy

There are many things to do:
There are many discounts offered for medical reasons. Power bills, lifeline for telephone, water, etc. It can add up. Some states have programs for
"in-home care" will will reimburse for some of the hours caregivers put in - including spouses.

The ACS will pay for mileage (up to $250.00) for travel to treatment (has to be over 60mi.) They also provide rides and drivers.

Then there is SSDI.

My church helped a lot, paid bills for me, etc.

One anonymous donor paid for the first 3 months of my health insurance (which was around 3K).

A good place to start is with the hospital social worker.

A caregiver support would be a great help also, at least she would know that she is not alone. Counseling at the very least. Sometimes just getting people to talk about their fears can relieve a lot of the tension and fear.

Thanks Gary. I'll print up that information and see whay finaincial help she can obtain.

Thanks Cathy. I'll try to talk to her when she bets back from the hospital.