My husband had a canker sore in January that wouldn't go away. I couldn't believe he was going to the Dr. for a canker sore. Thank goodness he did. When the biopsy came back it showed to be cancer. I feel like I have been in a cloud ever since. My husband had surgery on Feb. 27. They removed 6 teeth, part of his mandibule, and 50 lymph nodes. The pathology showed it to be in only 2 lymph nodes and not in the bone. So we were happy to find that out. The surgeon was saying radiation and chemo both. The chemo and radiation drs. thought just radiation. He is getting 30 treatments and have had 7 of those so far. Now my husband is wondering why it was decided not to chemo. I think the surgeon is just more agrressive and tells it more like gloom and doom. Others have told me surgeons are more like that. Has anyone else thought that about their team of drs? We haven't met with the surgeon since this was decided but my husband wants to ask him what changed his mind.
My emotions have been a roller coaster. My husband has always been a "Macho Man" and for him not to be able to do some of the things he has always done around the house and with our three daughters sometimes just really gets me. Then other times it seems like he is feeling really fine and it's almost like the cancer isn't even there. He has been really positive with everything so far and this weekend he was really quiet and hardly ate anything. Said his tongue and throat were hurting. I'm thinking it has only been 7 treatments and already it's affecting him. I wish I could just stick my head in the sand and I don't want to feel that way because he's the one with the cancer, not me.
I'm sure I'm just rambling here. I guess I just think that normally I'm a pretty strong person and now I just find myself with tears most of the time. I don't want my daughters and husband to see any of those. Well I guess I've said enough and probably haven't made much sense.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about yoru husband, but what a relief that he went to the doctor right away.
As far as difference of opinions with the ENT and oncologists, I don't think that is too unusual.
Our surgeon thought just radiation, but the oncologists decided both. I felt more comfortable doing both...wanting to be more aggressive, but as you will read over and over on this forum, EACH PATIENT IS DIFFERENT. Even with the same diagnosis. It's hard to compare with other people on this forum sometimes.
Talk to the oncologists again and they can explain to you why they think the radiation was adequate and it will give you some piece of mind. You have enough to worry about without second guessing his treatment
This roller coaster ride will, hopefully, calm down soon for you now that treatment has started.
Most of us went through thie emotional ups and downs that you are going through. Be there for your husband, don't stick your head in the sand. It is hard to talk about sometimes because you want to forget about it, but ithelps to get your feelings out.
I hope you find some comfort here. It really helped me.
Vicki

My heart goes out to you !! And yes thank god he went to the Dr for that canker sore...That is what I had too except it took me almost 7-8 months to go. And you shouldnt feel bad for having those feelins..you are going through this too! ANd I understand wanting to hide the tears..I was a pt not a cargiver ,but I am a mom ( of 5 under 14) and I didn't want them to see me cry or be scared, but having gone through it Myabe they need to see us ( not hysterical of course ) . As Vikki said everyone is different , I had no Rad or chemo ( yet and maybe not at all ) but my understanding from this site is that is gets worse before it gets better. You have def come to the right place for support and never feel as though you are being crazy or anything else..as much as we feel we are crazy we find that actaully that are feelings and fears are quite the Norm ! Best wishes and ((( HUGS ))) to you and your family !

Shar

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Going thru radiation affects everyone differently and some have an easier time than others. My son's radiation started to be really bad very early on as well, but your husband (and you, too!) can get thru this. Do be sure and get any and all questions ready for the doctor. The team of doctors that my son had would all get together and then relay their opinions and suggestions to us. My son had surgery and radiation only and had 48 lymph nodes removed. There is a lot of information available on this site that you can go thru and it will help you with your questions for the doctor. There are lots of great and compassionate people here, too - that will be happy to answer any questions you have or share their experiences with you. Your husbands sore throat is part of the radiation effects and it can be very painful to even talk or swallow. My son went thru an extremely painful time where he developed his own sign language to be able to communicate. I remember learning to ask my son just ""yes" or "no" questions so he could give me a thumbs up or down answer. Of course, just being out of one's regular routine is stressful and depressing for anyone. This cancer journey is a roller coaster ride with lots of ups and downs but it does get better. And we are all here to support you and help you thru the difficult times. So, hang in there and let us know what's happening.

DAUGHTERS3,

I'm sorry to see what you and your family are going through. No doubt it is very difficult and unfortunately it will get much worse before it gets better. I don't remember any of the journey being easy but I found great people that were with me through it all. Make sure your husband keeps the pain under control and stays hydrated with lots of liquids. There's no reason to "tough it out" but there are many benefits to being as comfortable as possible.

Many have traveled the road ahead and can give you glimpses of what's around the corner. Many things are the same although each case is somewhat unique. Ask and you will get the answer.

Best Wishes,

Ed

Dear D3, this is the best place in the world to "not make sense" As a caregiver, you will be called upon to dip into a reservoir of strength you didn't know you had. You are going to be your family's "main frame" for awhile. Please don't let yourself feel alone, lots of us here will listen,answer questions, hug and try to help. Wishing you the best. Amy in the Ozarks