Can anyone tell me about post treatment mental health. I think I'm losing mine. Throat now mended, head now damaged!! I am 2 years out of tx and still fighting with occasional bouts of anger/fear about cancer. Will it come back? WHEN will it come back? Can I beat it again? (We probably all have to cope with those.)

And, what about making plans and looking into the future. I realized that I have not been doing this since my dx. My mood is generally pretty good, I'm feeling stronger every day, I'm back to work. Why am I, in small and subtle ways, acting like I have no future?? Did I give up along the way? Am I alone in this? Tom Jackson

Hi Tom Jackson,
It is quite difficult to stay optimistic and positive after treatment because of the fear of recurrence. For me, I was not really worried about the relapse but somehow I had severe depression post treatment, which lasted for over six months. I found myself worthless, hopeless and very negative about the future. I didn't feel angry or frightened but I experienced something even worse because I was emotionless, indifferent to things or people around me. Your situation is quite understandable after a fierce battle. I do think you are definitely not alone to feel in this way. If you feel stronger and are back to work, your situation is improving already. Just be patient and open yourself to people around. It takes time to eliminate the negative feelings. People on this forum who have encountered similar mental problem can give you more advice.

Karen

Hi Tom:

I am no where near as far along the path as you or Karen.

I only recently finished my tx. (about 7 weeks ago).

But, I can tell you that an overwhelming sense of depression blanketed me about 2 weeks post treatment and lasted a few weeks.

I am certain it was something chemical or physical related, but not being a Dr, who knows.

Since I am not prone to depression and it came on so suddenly, I wasn't sure what to do.

All I can say is, I think it resolved on it's own and when I talk to others at the hospital and here online, it seems to be almost universal that a serious depression kicks in post tx. (almost!!)

The feeling of no future is with me still, but I battle with it everyday. I was always one to have trouble living in the present, I always wanted to live in the future, worrying about the future, thinking about tomorrow and not always enjoying/appreciating 'today'..so the way I look at it is this cancer was my lesson (Whew!! one of many, some I've had to have over and over until I get it right:), anyway, my lesson to live in the present more. Sounds like physcho-babble, but that's my take.

As far as 2 years out, I have no idea, except to say congrats for making it to that milestone and here's to many more!!

You too Karen, you are both an inspiration!!

Hello Tom,

My name is Gina and this November marks one year since my treatments ended, surgery, IMRT radiation and chemo. I am finding it difficult to get emotionally involved with my friends or much of anything these days. I can fake it really well! Up until now it's been my secret i don't share with anyone. I don't think i allow myself to get emotionally invested in much of anything, I have to be ready to jump into the fire again and fight!


I also worry about it coming back, having to start the fight all over again, how will i handle it? The thought of putting my family through that hell and worry again keeps me up at night sometimes.

So everyday i wake up and start again, go to work, go to the gym, chat with my friends. But the whole time part of me is holding back, just trying to keep it together and not fall apart or show everyone how afraid i really am.

It is getting better a little, and everyday i look forward and hope i feel better. How do you stop thinking about it? I really don't have an answer. I can say that even though i feel a fear i have never known before i do feel stronger than i have felt before. I may still be in pieces from the shattering reality that i had cancer, but i am more confident than before that i will deal with whatever comes my way.

I don't have any wise words or knowledge to pass on. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and i understand exactly how you feel.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will send good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Gina

Tom and All Survivors (plus caregivers)-
Please check out the book "Dancing in Limbo" written by HNC survivors -- it is listed on this website in the resource area and there is a link to Amazon. It is the best book to get your through this tough period! Highly recommended! Best wishes - Kris

Tom, never ever think you are alone. There will always be someone here to talk with you when in need.

Several years ago, like something in the order of 30, I spent a couple of months in a psychiatric hospital. Even today, I have not the faintest idea what the diagnosis was upon my discharge. What I do know, is that one night, a week or ten days before I was discharged, I wrote something that changed my life forever. I must admit that I have no recollection or writing it, but was told about it by one of the staff the next morning.

I am now one month out from the end of my treatment. I have yet to have a post treatment visit with my RO, but have seen my MO. Thus, I have no clue whether what I have gone through has worked or not. Yes, that is causing a whole lot of anxiety. However, reading this thread today brought me back to that time some 20 years ago. I am glad I read it and thank you for sharing your concern. It opened my eyes and brought back that phrase that I wrote so long ago. I would like to share it with you and hope it brings some peace to you, as it has done for me.

Though the future be hidden from me, like a candle in a darkened room, it cannot and will no be found, until a step is taken, or a hand is put forth, by me, today.

The past cannot be changed, as it is history. All we can do is make our own new history, each and every day. I will never see tomorrow, for it is always today. Therefore, I will live for today and make the best history, which will become many yesterdays in time, that I possibly can.

Tom...You are not alone in what you are feeling, trust me. I applaud you going back out there into the workplace, I retired after my diagnosis and treatment. I know I could not perform my prior job satisfactorily, physically and mentally. When my husband talks about his retirement, I often wonder if I will be alive (in 8 years). Anyway, didn't mean to go off there, but just to let you know I think we are "normal" for having the thoughts we do. God Bless and Take Care, Carol

My husband seemed to have a fairly positive attitude all through his cancer treatment and several weeks out. However, he ended up needing 8 weeks of hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) and started getting depressed during that prolonged treatment time. Now, 6 weeks or so post-HBOT, he still feels depressed. It's been almost a year since his original diagnosis and he hasn't taken antidepressants but is interested in trying that now. However, he noticed that one of the side effects of many antidepressants is 'dry mouth' which is something he doesn't want to make worse. What antidepressants have worked for others? - and were there any side effects that were intolerable - (such as worsening dry mouth, etc.)?

Thanks for any info you might have.

Connie

Everyone's personal biology will be different. Some antidepressents will work better in some individuals than in others, ditto the amount of impact it has on dry mouth. I started out after treatment on Paxil, it did not produce much of a difference in my dry mouth, but after 6 weeks on the drug, ( SSRI's do not just start working the day that you take them) I felt little improvement in my mental well being. I switched to Lexapro and after about a month had much better results. I was weaned off of SSRI's about a year out of treatment when I began to get adjusted to my new realities. You do not just stop suddenly when you are taking these drugs. As with many things, it may take trying several different anti-depressants before you find one that has the best results for any particular person

Just a note to add that it's also really worth it to go to someone who can prescribe these and *also* has some expertise about the different choices, such as a psychiatric nurse-practitioner or a psychiatrist, since the SSRIs all do work differently for different people, as Brain said, but also some tend to generally have more of one kind of side effect than another and it takes someone with some expertise to know about all that.

I took an antidepressant in the past for about a year as I was going through a(another) difficult time in my life. I got the scrip from my general pracitioner doc at the time, it was the most commonly prescribed SSRId at the time (zoloft) and it did get rid of my depression but I also never got rid of a nasty side effect it had which was sometimes severe insomnia, and my GP kept saying to just try it for a little longer and "see if the insomnia goes away...."

Eventually I ended up decising the insomnia was worse than the depression and went off it and found I was doing OK without it. Later a psychiatrist freind of mine told me that someone who knew what they were doing would have prescribed me something else the first time I complained of insomnia.....