Monday I go for a 6 month ct scan and chest x-ray. It's a frightening time only made more so by the death of my husband on Labor Day. He collapsed with heart attck or stroke and medics were unable to revive him. There are so many tasks that need to be done, but somehow I am unable to concentrate on any.

If only the scan and X-ray are clear, I will be better able to move on. I am open for any and all suggestions for coping during this difficult time.

Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Stage III submandibular salivary gland. Neutron radiation treatment ended 12/24/02

Hello Lily,

I don't have any great revelations for coping at this time in your life. I just wanted to reply and let you know someone out here cares and is thinking of you. I am sorry for your recent loss. I'm sure more members of OCF will be along and maybe they will have helpful suggestions, or maybe they will just let you know we are here, and sometimes that in itself may help you cope.

Good luck on your scans. Keep us posted.
Dinah

Hi Lily, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, coupled with everything you are going through with your own illness. When things like this happen - it is so easy to be overwhelmed with a wide range of emotions and fears. That is understandable. As far as the cat scan and x-ray are concerned, please know that you are not alone when it comes to nervousness and apprehension when it's time for scheduled tests like these. If you were to see some previous posts by patients (and caregivers) you will see that this is to be expected. We are all human, and the fear of what tests like these can reveal can just simply drive a person bonkers! My husband who was treated for stage III/IV SCC at the base of the tongue - just went to see his oral surgeon yesterday, his radiation oncologist today...and also had to get bloodwork done and an x-ray as well. Waiting for results truly is one of the hardest parts to deal with. The best advice I can gice you is to reach out to friends and other family members now - and don't be afraid to ask for help with chores and various tasks, etc. Also - if you are feeling more overwhelmed than you think you can handle - it would be wise to talk to a Counselor who will be able to help put things in perspective for you. Also - remember to do things for YOURSELF - things that have always brought some comfort and happiness - sometimes, something as simple as a nice stroll around the block or in a park can help clear your mind. I hope these suggestions help to some degree...although time is often the only remedy for such things. Know that we are here for you to cry, vent, scream...whatever helps you to feel better. You are not alone. God bless during this time of healing for you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you for good health in the future. Take care.

Lily,
I don't think I could express myself any clearer than the posts prior to mine, but I will add that your husband went thru this battle with you and I'm sure he'd want you to keep on fighting and not give up hope. He's pulling for you from wherever you feel he is now and looking out for you. So keep him in your heart and find stenghth in the good memories .
Diane

SCAN RESULTS

Today I got results of the scan. The neck area is clear, but the lungs looked suspicious. They will schedule another scan of the lungs. I knew this was a very real possibility, but hoped against hope that it would wait a few years. It is exactly one year now since the original diagnosis.

Lily, just now read your first post, firstly we are very sorry for the loss of your husband, along with your illness seems too much to bear. We are about to battle our 3rd reoccurence. There is alot of love and support here on the board. Tests themselves make most of us crazy..Just hang in there, which right, like I know ! Easier said than done......remember, you don`t have anything conclusive yet, so like alot of us here try to do, is just take one day at a time, or minute, or hour ! Believe me, alot of us have been through this, so stick around........Our prayers are with you.......Packer and Dee

Hi Lily,

Words alone cannot express my feelings about the loss of your husband and and feelings you are having waiting on your test results. Please no that I and alot of other members of this forum are pulling for you. Your husband would want you to keep up the fight. Please let us know when you find out the results. My prayers are with you, Dan

Hi Lily,
That's a lot of stuff to grieve all at one time - your precancer healthy self and now your husband. Add to it the fear and anxiety that all these tests bring and it's easy to see (from the outside anyway) why you can't concentrate right now. Most people would have difficulty concentrating with just ONE of the three. Be aware of the five stages of grief and how they may impact your daily life (and the stages can come concurrently and not in order). Most local hospices offer grief counseling and you may find that useful. Private counseling with an MFCC or someone at your church (if you attend one - many churches have "people helper" programs with people that will walk along side you through this) may be helpful. Your burden is certainly something too heavy for you to bear alone at this time.

There are some books that may help you understand whats happening, if you are able to read them, like Elisabeth Kubler Ross, "On Death and Dying" or "Death: The Final Stage of Growth".

I will pray for comfort for you and your family...

I wanted to send you an email directly, but you have that portion of your profile blocked. My private message to you was not checked in the "my profile" part of your web page for several days so I am posting a portion of it here. I can tell you that in the first couple of years after radiation I had similar scares. Each time a new radiologist would read my films they would say that portions of the upper third of my lungs looked suspicious, and it would set things into motion. But each time it was determined that that was residual scarring from the radiation treatments of my neck (which is not as localized as they would like you to think), and the panic level went back down after additional testing. I now routinely have abnormal lung scans, but it has not been cancer in 5 years. Radiologists have to report everything that falls into the range of abnormal, and issues related to damage to the lungs that occurred during your treatments might very well be what they are seeing. Good luck in your next set of scans, let's hope this is all that it is. Survivorship is like this. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You would think that it would get easier as time passes, but no one that I have talked with indicates that to be so. It's something we will all carry for the rest of our time. Try to keep it all in perspective, and try to find some good in each day no matter how dark they seem. And please don't spend more time alone than necessary given the other sadness that has happened in your life. Having others around, and being able to share your sorrow with them helps a great deal. They may not have answers, but just their act of their listening makes it a little better.

Brian,

Thank you so much for sharing the information about radiation scarring making for an abnormal lung scan. The report from my scan has really thrown me. There is so much to do at a time like this (dealing with all the post-death paperwork) and I simply am unable to concentrate. I think that holding fast to this possibility will help me through the next few days.

My next scan is scheduled for Monday. They tell me if that is abnormal, the next step is a biopsy. But I refuse to think ahead that far.

I am sorry my profile did not allow for sending e-mail. I am not the most computer literate person around here, but think I have now fixed that.

Lily