Hubby was just diagnosed with base of tongue squamous cell HPV p16. It's been 40 years since I'd been with another man. He swears he's never been with someone other than me. Can it really lie dormant 40+ YEARS before rearing its ugly head? Hubby is so angry with me for "giving" this to him. How was I to know that being with someone in my 20's would lead to this now? Is it possible to be in there so long? Also, can we ever get past his being so angry at me? Thanks for listening and hoping for the best here...

HPV does take a very long time to manifest itself. If you read the information on the OCF main pages, you will learn that about 80% of the population get the HPV virus at some point in their lives. Most people are able to clear it from their systems without their even knowing that they have contracted the virus, the virus develops into cancer in those people whose bodies are unable to clear it. To try and trace where the virus came from at this point is not helpful and you are not likely to be successful in pinning it down. My husband had had a number of sexual partners before he was diagnosed at the age of 68. It was impossible to figure out who gave it to him or if he ever gave it to someone else. Honestly, when he was diagnosed I felt it was a waste of my energy to blame him or anyone else since it would not change the fact that he had cancer. I spent my energy on managing his medical appointments, his medications and his treatment. It gave me a clear focus over the months and months of caregiving.

I understand your husband’s anger and, probably fear. It’s a way of asking the question “why me?” which many cancer patients ask. If the situation is really difficult, try contacting the spiritual guidance/counseling department at your hospital. They will help both of you with dealing with the diagnosis.

If you go to the very beginning of my post where HPV is highlighted, it will take you directly to the main OCF site where there Islam the info on HPV.

Thank you, Gloria, for the reply. I have a lot of reading to do. We go to the radiation oncologist appointment tomorrow. I don't know what to expect.

Hydrangea, make sure you take notes at the appointment, it can be overwhelming and you may forget what the doctor tells you.

You may want to know about side effects, weight loss, skin breakdown, etc. have a look at the OCF site and write down some of your questions so you’ll remember to ask them. Of course, it does not mean that you have only one chance to ask. There will be subsequent appointments. In addition, you can always ask the nurses and anyone else on the team. You may also want to know if you have access to a Help Line after hours or on weekends. I personally used the Help Line several times.

I want to add this...having HPV 16 probably saved my husband's life according to his doctors. He had stage 4a Back of Tongue cancer. He drank, smoked, chewed tobacco for over 30 yrs. Who knows where he got it but honestly, he is lucky it was that kind of cancer if you can consider it lucky. He went through 35 radiation treatments and 3 cisplantin treatments...horrible but over a year later, you would not know he had cancer.

I have read that it can stay dormant about 20 yrs....I will do some more reading on that but one of my orthodontist friends did say that his generation (he's in his 50s) are going to see an explosion of this cancer due to HPV16.

hang in there....he is upset and angry that he has to deal with this. Don't let him throw that blanket on you as someone has to remain strong through the process and it's going to have to be you.

Hugs my friend

It's no ones fault he has cancer. Don't do that to yourself. My dad chewed snuff since he was 11 until he was 64. We used to argue all the time about quitting tobacco. My mom had a heart attack and triple bypass in 2009, and I was really adamant that he should quit. When he was diagnosed, I was so sad. Then, I got mad at him. Of course, I KNOW he didn't cause this. Some people smoke and drink their whole life and don't get cancer. Some people never smoke or drink and get cancer. Sometimes, when you're grieving you try to blame someone or something and it really does no good. Your energy is better spent moving forward. Just as an fyi, I believe there may be non-sexual ways of contracting HPV. A quick search of scholarly articles provides this: https://obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jog.13248

Welcome to OCF!

There is still so much more to learn about HPV! New things are being discovered all the time, including things about transmission in casual contact like shaking hands or picking it up from hard surfaces like countertops. One of the leading researchers Dr Maura Gillison has been affiliated with OCF for many years and has been the one who brought about much of what is known about HPV today. Yes, the HPV virus can lie dormant for decades before ever making the change from dormant to active. Then out of over 200 strains it would need to be one of only a few strains which cause cancer. Almost always its #16 that causes the most cancer and other medical problems, also the #18 and #10 strains can cause cancer in some patients but much less frequently as #16. To further complicate this... even if someone is tested for HPV and its found, that does NOT mean it will ever turn into anything serious. Only a very few of the previously mentioned strains change into cancer, but mostly it runs its course and then most people clear it from their bodies before it ever turns into anything serious. Off the top of my head, Im sorry but I do not know the exact figures for specific HPV strains to become cancerous, but it is very low odds.

Getting a cancer diagnosis is NOT easy for anyone. The patients entire world comes tumbling down crashing to the floor when they hear "you have cancer". Its also NOT easy for caregivers! Its sad your husband is looking to blame someone for his illness. Its all part of the grieving process that often comes along with being forced to face your own mortality when given a cancer diagnosis. Many patients find therapists very helpful in getting thru the rough times of a cancer diagnosis. Its just another tool that is for a temporary basis, ask if this is available where your husband is being treated. High anxiety is so common many cancer patients are taking meds to help manage their anxiety... caregivers too! Since many of the meds for anxiety take a while to work, its sometimes necessary to begin taking the meds weeks before the patient even gets their treatment plan set up.

Best thing you both can do for now is to focus on whats most important. Your husbands intake will eventually be temporarily compromised making it very difficult to eat and swallow, at least thats how most patients are going thru treatments. Every patient is different and will respond to things in their own unique manner so comparing to others doesnt usually work. Intake, especially fluids are vitally important to get at the very least 2500 calories and 48-64 oz of water... every single day!!! By starting to watch the intake now, hopefully your husband will eat all his favorites to avoid going into treatments with cravings. If he is on the slim side, gaining a few pounds would be a very good idea. No matter what his current weight is... zero weight loss is the goal and for many thats next to impossible.

Another helpful tips is when someone offers their assistance when told of your husbands cancer, take down all their contact info and tell them when the time comes they will be contacted. Theres a million things helpers can do to make this easier for you and your husband like taking out the trash, raking leaves, walking the dog, picking up prescriptions, making a dinner suitable for you both, driving your husband to treatments or appointments once in a while, watering plants, taking the car for inspection, doing laundry, picking up groceries, etc. All those things seem overly simple but those little things can be a gigantic help to make a major difference in your husbands life

Read thru posts here and on the main OCF site to help learn more about HPV and your husbands oral cancer (OC). By learning more about it, you will become a strong advocate for your patient. Just dont forget to take some time just for you once in a while too. Caregivers have a very difficult job!!! Be good to yourself to make sure you can be where you want to be for others.

Best wishes with everything!!!