Well, I seem to be healing okay. That is the good part. (Hurts like crazy but it is within normal.)

The path report shows reasonably clear margins. We got the tumor we were going for. But there was a micro tumor in another section. Apparently I am just full of micro tumors waiting to sneak up and grow. So, my surgeon says we are done with surgery, because continuing to take out slices is just not efficient. Oh, and it was SCC, moderate to poorly differentiated.

We see a radiation doctor and another oncologist for options, next week. I have met the radiation guy before, and I am okay with him. Not sure what he will suggest. The other guy. . . I met his partner months ago to talk chemo, and I will not go to him. I am hoping his partner will be better.

So. . . very scared right now. All those bullets I dodged this summer are coming for me now. I can barely handle surgery recovery. Granted, this is my third surgery this year, but still.

Just wanted to update. I don't even know what questions to ask. Iasked them all this summer. I just want to run away and hide.

Yeah. Makes perfect sense that desire to hide. Darn stuff follows you though. Although it may not feel exactly feel like it finding new stuff early is a good thing (relative to finding it later at least.).

Hopefully they will move quickly based on the path. Shop around but beware of time - if you still have cancer present it can move quickly based on the differentiation, I would want rads as fast as possible - chemo too as they generally go hand in hand. It is a one foot in front of the other proposition. Get through it day to day until you're done. There shouldn't be too many questions to ask other than the type of chemo - how frequently - how many rads - will it be bilateral (with more micro tumors I would hope for a yes - More fall out but better chance of stopping it) and HOW SOON - like NOW?
I'm not being facetious here, you really do want to move ahead quickly - just in case I have stressed that already.

I know you are scared... Just dig down deep and say - I'm gonna do this. Now let's get it over with. You should have a hearing test of its cisplatin they are planning and you will need to see a dentist and have flouride trays made. Hugs and best of luck.

Hang in there. Take each day one at a time. Keep us posted.

Kristen, I agree with Cheryl. Although it seems incredibly scary, you need to be incredibly brave. I hope you have people around you who are supportive. Without question you have a whole family here and we'll do everything we can to help. Doctors should be sensitive to the fact that you might prefer one partner over another, even another practice altogether. If they aren't, those aren't the doctors for you. You really want to be comfortable with all of your oncologists, so please stick to your guns if one is not making you feel welcomed and cared for.

Let us know how it goes next week.

Courage!

Thank you all so much for the support!

Forgive my language, but it totally sucks to be incapable of travel. So many foljs want me to travel to get other options, and I Just Can't. It is hard to tell dear friends and family to just back off!

On the blessing side, a man at my church sees one of my ENT's partners, and he has done well through multiple recurrences. It helps me hold my ground on that choice. And my psychiatrist's nurse is trying to get me a liquid form of Lexapro. Once my meds get back in shape, that will help sone. My anxiety issues cause severe nausea and lack of appetite, and I get the impression that would synergize badly with my efforts to survive rads.

This forum is literally and figuratively a life saver. Thank you!