| | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) |  Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | I'm so sorry that you are struggling so - and going over the "if only's" can be so painful because there is no real answer. What is true is that you were the very best caregiver anyone could have been for Reggie. I do hope that seeing a medium/psychic can make you feel better but I really think that (as Christine has suggested) an experienced and qualified grief counselor could help give you some perspective that could help you work through your feelings. Do check back with us and let us know what's happening.
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | "OCF Canuck" Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,357 Likes: 5 | I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that in time, your happy memories will start to ease the pain you feel now. Another OCF angel is walking the strets of Heaven. I wish you peace and strength.
Donna
Donna,69, SCC L Tongue T2N1MO Stg IV 4/04 w/partial gloss;32 radtx; T2N2M0 Stg IV; R tongue-2nd partial gloss w/graft 10/07; 30 radtx/2 cispl 2/08. 3rd Oral Cancer surgery 1/22 - Stage 1. 2022 surgery eliminated swallowing and bottom left jaw. Now a “Tubie for Life”.no food envy - Thank God! Surviving isn't easy!!!! .Proudly Canadian - YES, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE IS WONDERFUL! (Not perfect but definitely WONDERFUL)
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Oh Bette! Please dont blame yourself! Reggie was very sick and he was in recovery mode which is not easy. You did a great job taking care of him with love and compassion. Your questions here were always trying to help him or to make things easier on him.
In time it will become easier. Until then it would help you to seek out a grief counselor to help. Give it a try, it cant hurt. It may help to talk with a professional therapist more than someone who has not been thru years of schooling, studying known subjects. You may also need some anxiety meds to help for a while. Its a terrible thing what you are going thru! I have a close friend who lost her husband suddenly, it has taken her 5 years to finally tell me she is happy again in her life. Sorry, but Im not a believer in psychics and mediums but everyone to their own ideas. I just see things as black and white while others may see it differently. I wish you can have some peace of mind and maybe that will help you to feel a tiny bit better.
(((HUGS)))
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 | Bette
Even if you had been awake, there was nothing you could have possibly done to save Reggie. There is no reason to feel guilty over something that was impossible to do.
That is the grief talking. You are living my wife's worst fear. She would wake all thru the night to see I was still alive but I keep telling her there would nothing she could do.
Please focus on the facts. Reggie loved you. Reggie knew you loved him. He would not want you to be suffering like this.
While I do not believe in mediums, if they really truly could contact Reggie what he would say is
I love you Bette. There is nothing you could have done. I am waiting here for you. We will be together again. Just you wait and see. Be patient my love. Our love will last forever
Last edited by Charm2017; 02-19-2013 03:51 PM.
65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Passed away 4-29-13
| | | | | Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,844 | Bette my dear,
I cannot add anything to what Charm has so eloquently written. I can only send my condolences and wish you peace.
Peace and love,
Eric
Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.
| | | | | Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 805 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 805 | Bette,
Listen to Charm's words. They are perfect...and spoken from the male patient no less!!
Praying for you to find peace in your grief.
Kathy
Kathy wife/caregiver to:
Kevin age:53
Dx 7/15/11
HPV16+ SCC Stage IV BOT/R
Non smoker, casual drinker
7/27/11 Cistplatin, taxotere,5FU 2/3week sessions, followed by IMRT 125cgy x 60 (2x daily) w/Erbitux weekly. Last rad 10/26/11. Last Erbitux 10/27/11
PEG placed 9/1/11 Removed 11/8/11
Clear PET 10/12 and 10/13 and ct in 6/14
| | | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 | Bette,
I am so very sorry to read this sad news about Reggie's passing.
Wishing you peace and healing. I know this is a very tough time.
Sending you love.
Kate
Tongue Cancer T2 N0 M0 /
Total Glossectomy Due to Location of Tumor
Finished all treatments May 25 2007
Surviving!!!
| | | | | Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 225 "OCF Down Under" Gold Member (200+ posts) | | "OCF Down Under" Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Oct 2011 Posts: 225 | Bette, I'm so terribly sorry. Love from Linda
Brother 49yo DX 22/6/11 Tonsil SCC HPV+ Stage IV T4N1(?)M0. Carbo/docetaxel (Taxotere)19/7, 11/8 (with E-tux), 1/9; E-tux 11/8, 25/8, 15/9, 30/9, 14/10, 28/10; IMRT X 35 (70gy tumour;63gy nodes;56gy gen area) 19/9-4/11/11. Clear PET scan 1/2/12. 1 and 2 year post treatment checks good.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | Bette:
I, too want to add my sympathy for your terrible loss. One thing's for certain though, Reggie will be your Guardian Angel and always watch over you. Your love and memories of him will keep him very much alive in your heart.
julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer | | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 595 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 595 | Hope each day gets a little easier and am sending my condolences on your loss!! Semper-Fi Bob
Bob age 57, non smoker,non drinker, ended treatment on 11 Nov 2007 and started back to work on 29 Nov 2007. Veterans Day 2012 the Battle was lowered, folded, Taps was played and the Flag buried as I am know a 5 year survivor. Semper-FI !!!
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